tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post6662554071590753890..comments2023-10-31T06:03:06.285-07:00Comments on Pensievity: Get ready for some serious stream of consciousnessUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-65513504517497751642009-07-23T16:20:54.645-07:002009-07-23T16:20:54.645-07:00Being a military family, we've moved. . .ALOT!...Being a military family, we've moved. . .ALOT! I remember 3 being the most difficult age to move for my oldest. I think they are old enough to know they miss something, but don't have the insight or words to express it. <br />You have gotten some great advice. I think the biggest thing is to acknowledge his sadness, but don't let it be an excuse. I know you are sad, but it is not okay to throw shoes at mommy. Then tell him what is an acceptable way to handle his anger/frustration. <br />I completely agree with children picking up on our stress and acting out. So do let your husband take over with the kiddos from time to time, and hit JoAnns alone or with only one child as a treat. <br />Another thing that helped me was a gratitude journal. Each night I would sit down and write 5 things that I liked about my son or my life. You know when it really helped me get a better attitude. When you are stuck with dealing with all of the tantrums you forget the cute sweet stuff they do, and those are the treasures to cling to. This will pass. Remember how lonely you were when you first moved to Brazil? Remember how long it took to feel at home there? Hang in there, you are not alone. I'm in the middle of another move, and once again have a 3 year old. You are a great mommy, don't forget that truth.Tamihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13545454885908647405noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-36313908051643637582009-07-22T11:40:58.339-07:002009-07-22T11:40:58.339-07:00So it took me forever to remember that you switche...So it took me forever to remember that you switched blogs, now that you're all moved and stuff.<br /><br />I wanted to say that I can completely relate. Except blowing up at my button pushing child doesn't even work. And he was born like that, so it's always been what you described and will probably continue to be so until he moves away as an adult. 'Tis not cool. Not cool at all. So yeah, I get it. And sorry - no insights other than GET OUT. GET OUT NOW! (Not as in, leave your kids and run back to Brazil or anything, but make your husband watch your kids, every evening if need be, so you can do whatever you want to do. Otherwise you'll seriously go crazy - which is where I am. Obviously.)melissabastowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07707231121450160335noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-22219286138235315162009-07-21T23:00:15.832-07:002009-07-21T23:00:15.832-07:00So, I am in Mesa for two more weeks. My mother-in...So, I am in Mesa for two more weeks. My mother-in-law has a pool. Would you like a play date? And if you think I am trustworthy you can give me your kids for a day.<br /><br />Because I KNOW exactly how lonely it is when you move. And I KNOW what it's like to not have anyone to dump your kids on. <br /><br />PLEASE let me do this for you, because one day I will need it from someone else.Helhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12024471761531493995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-39123599068187916822009-07-21T19:01:58.264-07:002009-07-21T19:01:58.264-07:00I swear that it was me that wrote that post not yo...I swear that it was me that wrote that post not you! Macee is acting the exact same way and I am at my wits end! I will definitely be reading all of these comments trying to get some good ideas on how to handle her!The Watsonshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06817978857982955566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-83611135364123004462009-07-21T16:32:27.312-07:002009-07-21T16:32:27.312-07:00I didn't read anyone else's comments, so I...I didn't read anyone else's comments, so I don't know if you've already been given this advice, but mine is...medication.<br /><br />You're overwhelmed. You're depressed. (I know, I haven't met you, but I'd wager anything you've got you're dealing with depression) And I guarantee you, you're running on empty.<br /><br />Your kids sense this, and they're acting on it.<br /><br />See a doctor, get some meds, and get on top of what you've been going through over the last five-plus months. This pre-dates the move. You've been emptying your well since your husband first started looking for another job, and the solution is filling back up and letting time pass.<br /><br />I really have been there, Rebecca. E-mail me. We'll commiserate.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07532225334730948057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-42673778880858744472009-07-21T16:18:54.921-07:002009-07-21T16:18:54.921-07:00Oh, honey - I just read this post and want to give...Oh, honey - I just read this post and want to give you the BIGGEST hug in the world!!! I'm totally devoid of any advice on this one, but I do want to affirm that you are such an amazing gal, and I can infer from your posts that you're also a wonderful mother. Hang in there, friend. I hope his Terrible Two-ness / Middle Child need for attention shakes out before your sanity and patience run out. Meanwhile, I'll send some prayers your way. Love you!Christa Jeannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09841320887356797524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-61508974122922607282009-07-21T11:37:03.897-07:002009-07-21T11:37:03.897-07:00I am so sorry. All my early childhood classes tol...I am so sorry. All my early childhood classes told me the ezact things you've already figured out. <br />I wonder if getting out of the house might help? <br />You could go swimming, or to the mcDonalds playplace, or just anywhere. <br />That's all I've got. Oh, well that and a prayer and a cyberhug!Randihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11851220760568533019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-87349860257648679502009-07-20T20:09:20.772-07:002009-07-20T20:09:20.772-07:00Oh, I so know how you feel. Your #2 sounds an awf...Oh, I so know how you feel. Your #2 sounds an awful lot like my #2. Just think if they were to get married and have kids?! Aaahhh!!! My #2 is so sensitive...to my feelings, environment, change in routine...everything. I'm not a big fan of parenting books, but there is one that has literally changed my life and brought me back from the brink of a very bad place. It's called Raising Your Spirited Child. But the most important thing is that you really are doing your best and that is all anyone can ever do. And, to be perfectly honest, with #1 the 3's were much worse. Which makes me absolutely terrified for #2 to turn 3....but I try not to think about that....<br /><br />I hope things get better for you soon soon soon. And I agree with whoever said to print this out and refer to it. We all need positive reinforcement. <br /><br />Also, my word verification is bless. That's got to be a good sign, right?! OK, I'll stop now...Lady of Perpetual Chaoshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01434516025772250275noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-68077320087441347332009-07-20T09:10:34.069-07:002009-07-20T09:10:34.069-07:00Praying for you and your little family. Change is ...Praying for you and your little family. Change is hard. Hang in ther and know that you are really not alone in this.<br />Blessings...gigihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12105810181528386036noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-79916598097248117342009-07-20T08:35:09.375-07:002009-07-20T08:35:09.375-07:00Wow, what inspiring advice from your incredible fr...Wow, what inspiring advice from your incredible friends in the blogging community. I cannot add much to their advice but I can relate to your experiences.<br /><br />We're preparing to move across the country next month and I can already see a change in my children's behavior as we adjust to the idea of leaving our beloved home in Tennessee. <br /><br />Thanks for sharing. In doing so, you have allowed so many to provide service and so many to be uplifted besides yourself. What an incredible tool the Lord has provided in allowing women from all across the world to support and uplift each other through the modern conveniences of the internet. <br /><br />And always remember, you are not alone. You are loved. Make sure you find some time each day to allow the spirit to tesitify of this to you. The spirit will sanctify you and that alone can get you through anything. I know - I've been to h*ll and back in this life!<br /><br />I too will add you to my prayers. Hang in there...zannyzoozoohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06614280811556152067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-36860143247272150572009-07-20T08:34:26.903-07:002009-07-20T08:34:26.903-07:00Adjustments are rough, for your children and for y...Adjustments are rough, for your children and for you. You may still be grieving over loss of friends there, or be uncertain about your future here, or stressed about all the changes, all of which your children will pick up on. (no guilt here; it just happens!) Plus they are going through their adjustments as well. I remember you posting on Brazilians accepting an wider range of behaivor from kiddos, and that it was very different from the States. Could that have anything to do with it? Other peoples expectations? At least when out it public. The culture here is very different( I don't need to tell you!) and maybe they are being expected to conform too soon. Or I could be totally off; if so just ignore me! Either way, it sounds awful and I hope it gets better for you soon. Hang in there and know that you are not alone; we all feel like monster mommies sometimes.ginahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12546443989710786941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-83693438181816658272009-07-20T06:39:04.595-07:002009-07-20T06:39:04.595-07:00My husband is deploying again in November. Your bl...My husband is deploying again in November. Your blog describes my future. <br /><br />With my kids the tantrums and bad behavior lasted two months before we settled into our new "Daddy-less" routine.<br /><br />It's hard. It really bites and you don't want to do it. I get you. I'm really sorry.Tobihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17434014099163714586noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-47700870204817159472009-07-19T22:24:03.751-07:002009-07-19T22:24:03.751-07:00Wow. You have received so much good advice that I...Wow. You have received so much good advice that I don't know what else to add. Except that this too shall pass. And it'll be the summer you look back on and laugh. Or shudder. Probably both. I agree with the amazing previous posters. I especially second the "get a blessing" suggestion. Print out the comments and pray. You can find peace even in the Arizona heat. <br /><br />Take care,<br />SharonSharonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01608163000837487983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-70156486665636197552009-07-19T19:28:21.444-07:002009-07-19T19:28:21.444-07:00I'm e-mailing you right now.
And don't yo...I'm e-mailing you right now.<br /><br />And don't you love the idea that somewhere, in a temple, the name "That Girl" is on the prayer roll? I love it. We don't know your name, but we know you enough to pray for you by "name". Beautiful.InkMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05519976062467674531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-81092515788204836142009-07-19T18:36:40.940-07:002009-07-19T18:36:40.940-07:00With all due respect to the previous commenters, I...With all due respect to the previous commenters, I ignored them because I didn't want it to influence what I might say. :) I read this post earlier today and I've been thinking about you all afternoon (really)... not in an oh-how-I-pity-her kind of way, but in a boy-do-I-get-it-and-I-hope-she-knows-how-universal-this-is kind of way. So here are some of my thoughts and testimonials.<br /><br />- Get a blessing. We don't have to be sick to acknowledge our struggles before God and seek some immediate comfort and advice. Do it. It will help.<br /><br />- Talk openly and honestly with your spouse about it. Pray together. The two of you together were equipped with everything OB needs. Draw on your teamwork and covenant power.<br /><br />- Create some really intentional OB time, even if means getting a babysitter for the other two, and taking OB on some of your errands with you as special mommy time. Mix in business and pleasure... Joann's and Dairy Queen.<br /><br />- Start each day with an expression of love for him and some cuddle time. End each day the same way. Even if there are lots of mess-ups during the day (and there will be... it's okay), he will end and begin each day assured of your love.<br /><br />- How is FHE going? There's no rule it can ONLY be once a week. Bring the spirit in as often as you can. It will help.<br /><br />- You can do this. Absolutely no one else in all eternity is better equipped to be OB's mother. No one. Flaws and all. They are part of the package that was designed for his good. "I can do all things through Christ who strenghteneth me." Lots of prayer... sometimes pleading for help, sometimes pleading for forgiveness... it's a process that sanctifies us.<br /><br />- Know that you're not alone in this kind of struggle. It is the dark, secret side of motherhood-- the refiner's fire that helps us to discover the parts of ourselves we don't like and didn't know were there. But knowing they are there helps us realize how much more we need the Savior, so ultimately they are a blessing.<br /><br />I've said way more than you or your readers needed to hear I'm sure, but thanks for giving me a chance to reaffirm some truths that are becoming part of my "motherhood testimony." Love you.Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11486223394459963669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-16515623954982435172009-07-19T15:37:52.662-07:002009-07-19T15:37:52.662-07:00They should never have named it Family "Scien...They should never have named it Family "Science", should they? What a misleading name!<br /><br />You know how when someone is about to get baptized, or go to the temple for the first time, it is as if everything combines against them at once to make life miserable and keep it from happening? I think the same thing hold true for anything we do that represents an important step in the right direction. So, while there may be no logical explanation for it, your family experiencing so much adversity throughout this whole moving experience has got to be an indication of how strong your family is an how much a disturber to the adversary you all are. Whether Your Man is about to become Bishop again, or you're about to become Relief Society President, or whether there are other significant blessings you'll bring to your neighborhood and community, it seems pretty clear that all forces have combined to make it all as difficult as possible.<br /><br />Your poor kids--so much sickness, transition and everything else. If it were my kids, I'd just be glad they still remember how to walk and that they didn't regress so far that they needed to be potty trained again.<br /><br />In the field of family therapy, they talk a lot about loss and how when it is anything other than a death or divorce, we sometimes don't realize how powerful losses are in our lives. That goes for young kids as well as parents. Some people handle loss by pretending it isn't happening until they suddenly break down and crash one day. Others, especially kids, handle it by becoming aggressive and difficult. Others withdraw. Especially when we aren't able to put words to it, loss can eat us up. Trying to get someone (adult or child) to "behave" who is being torn apart going through significant loss is a losing cause. It's like asking someone who is being electrocuted to hold still and stop twitching. <br /><br />What heals loss for children? Time, patience, making new friends, playing, ice cream cones, crying, screaming, ripping up some things, kicking, remembering happy memories, pictures, special blankets, coloring, singing, and slowly starting to feel secure in their new environment. What heals loss in big kids/adults? Lots of the same things. <br /><br />Good luck, and hope things start to feel better soon!Square Root of Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17591494233434643348noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-85359856567881883872009-07-19T07:11:35.877-07:002009-07-19T07:11:35.877-07:00I know your first attempts at socializing was a fa...I know your first attempts at socializing was a failure, but maybe you should try and set up play dates for OB. Go for the mom that has 5 kinds under the age of 8 and looks frazzled. They will probably say yes to getting the kids out of the house for two hours. Then put them in the backyard with a sprinkler. You don't need furniture to use a sprinkler. It will give you a break from the one on one tantrum action, and give your kids something fun to do. Maybe OB just needs some kid socializing? It might at least make him less likely to throw a tantrum while they are there. <br /><br />In fact, I would guess in my totally not family sciences degree, that it might be a good idea to just buy some kind of furniture. Any kind. Even if its an inflatable bed that you turn into a couch for the last few days/weeks/eons until you get your furniture. Or close to free, or completely free, not that great of quality furniture. (You should check out freecycle in your area. You can always put the things up there to give away after your stuff finally comes in.)rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02366992997140067774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-11726588356361170122009-07-18T22:39:37.170-07:002009-07-18T22:39:37.170-07:00Last year I was living in an upstairs apartment in...Last year I was living in an upstairs apartment in Iowa and the work-from-home-single-lady who lived below me and knocked on my door and told me that my kids were jumping too hard on her ceiling made me cry. Because I knew it was going to be a long winter. With a woman below me who had no compassion over the fact that I had two young boys who like to run and play in their own house. I had to remind myself that this was only temporary, and that I had to do whatever I could to survive those difficult moments. Even if it meant allowing them to watch four hours of television in one day. Or go to Wal-Mart and run up and down the aisles during the winter because there was nothing else to do. You just do what you can, don't feel guilty because you know you are doing the best you can AT THAT EXACT MOMENT, and it will get better. Good luck my dear!Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16913479841360204974noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-83961041606700148112009-07-18T22:10:52.680-07:002009-07-18T22:10:52.680-07:001. Pray
2. Priesthood blessings
3. Pray
4. Eat ...1. Pray<br /><br />2. Priesthood blessings<br /><br />3. Pray<br /><br />4. Eat ice cream. As much as you want. <br /><br />5. Pray<br /><br />6. Stop feeling guilty. You are doing the best that you can and you know it. <br /><br />7. Pray<br /><br />8. Never, ever give up on him. <br /><br />9. Know that all your blog friends out there are praying for you. Good luck.Rachel Suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14426183215612921121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-15904109935820036992009-07-18T21:52:24.966-07:002009-07-18T21:52:24.966-07:00Dude, I so totally love you. But you already know...Dude, I so totally love you. But you already know that.Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14527622301735368452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-40585031216792774072009-07-18T21:48:42.016-07:002009-07-18T21:48:42.016-07:00Just a tip I received from a friend... and I thoug...Just a tip I received from a friend... and I thought it was bogus until I moved with a toddler:<br /><br />Figure out what day marks 6 weeks from your move and prepare yourself. At about that point, our psyche realizes that something's permanently changed and it manifests itself. I've moved twice since then and experienced the death of my mother and by golly if it's not accurate!Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15908320764726278174noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-28337573416754342822009-07-18T21:41:06.825-07:002009-07-18T21:41:06.825-07:00Oh, boy.
I'm bookmarking this post because we...Oh, boy.<br /><br />I'm bookmarking this post because we're moving next summer when our little one is almost three and I'm going to need all this great advice, too.<br /><br />I think getting over the illnesses will help and I think giving it time will help too.<br /><br />Since I lose my patience on a regular basis, I'm going to refrain from offering any advice. I have none!Melanie Jacobsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02489615939726209573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-53286363161094545222009-07-18T21:10:30.441-07:002009-07-18T21:10:30.441-07:00Girl,
I know I'm not a mom, and I don't h...Girl,<br /><br />I know I'm not a mom, and I don't have a degree in family or child development or any of the above. But I am (insert your last name here); and if its one thing about our family is we don't do change well. I think it runs in our veins along with that faith DNA.<br /><br />Still, in my last months of change I've noticed some things that help me, especially in my recent life change.<br /><br />1-Finding familiarity: Ponies, Temple, Church, etc; Things that make me emotionally stable, bring me comfort.<br /><br />Remember you always said that OB is a reactor to your emotions? Have you ever thought that he's stressed, because you are? Maybe you're feeling out-of-balanced too, but trying to figure out what's wrong with him, when he's really just trying to tell you that your stressed: stressed about creating order within the house, not blogging, being far from friends in a foreign country, stressed in adjusting to a new place. Just a thought, and it could sound totally goofy, but try to give some more time to yourself. (Even if that means giving Squishy to Your Man for Relief Society)<br /><br /><br />2-Music, soothing music--it invites the spirit and helps me to stay off edge. At the same time the words of hymns and other songs often are the answers to my prayers.<br /><br />3-Priesthood; bless the house, bless the kids, bless you, bless the word. (dude now I sound like a preacher) Still, it works, use it.<br /><br />4-Buy a brand new plate at Walmart and drive to a weird place and bust it. Its an amazing way to get rid of frustration :).<br /><br />5-Take a random trip to Oklahoma :) and stay up the whole night talking with your sister-in-law, go horseback riding and swin in a pool :).Tamra Watsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03642001564553115069noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-78091392382790118492009-07-18T20:42:16.015-07:002009-07-18T20:42:16.015-07:00First: I love you. I really wish I could give you...First: I love you. I really wish I could give you a real hug and say that this WILL pass. Eventually. And I have been there.<br /><br />Second: One commenter mentioned The Happiest Toddler on the Block. I read it because The Happiest Baby on the Block changed my world as a parent. Toddler wasn't as great, but one thing I learned has honestly helped me so much with my boys.<br /><br />They need to know you understand EXACTLY what they're saying. I repeat almost everything my boys tell me. "I'm spiderman!" "You're spiderman? That's awesome!" They need to know I know what they're saying. This also heads off the tantrums. When the Hulk (aptly names because he's like OB) I have conditioned myself to figure out what he's saying before it escalates. He's only 3 and I don't understand every word, but I try and repeat it till I get it right. <br /><br />One other thing the book mentioned that I tried was matching the level of intensity. It sounds like you're doing this and it works. After reading that I should matche the level of instensity, I tried it a few times, but it just made the Hulk madder. Obviously not everything is going to work for every kid, but it sounds like that's what OB needs from you. He needs to know that you know how mad he is. When you respond calmly, he may think you aren't getting him. So the yelling not only gets his attention, but it affirms his feelings. (Make sense?)<br /><br />So my advice in a nutshell: Make sure he knows YOU know what he's saying. Use the same words, same tone of voice. <br /><br />I wish I lived close to you. I'll bet just having some other boys to rough around with would help a lot. Keep looking for friends within the ward. There are people there who will be so blessed to call you a friend. Look for other little boys and slightly frazzled mommas. And remember, this really won't last forever. ♥♥Wonder Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01286006629537084653noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2973923536525380696.post-3951938808735904822009-07-18T20:07:54.168-07:002009-07-18T20:07:54.168-07:00Oh man, those tantrum days are soooo tough. Have ...Oh man, those tantrum days are soooo tough. Have you tried disciplining him in Portuguese? <br /><br />When my kids threw fits over small little things like that I would come very close to losing it. So sorry.<br /><br />You have friends and support here. It will all settle down.Kazzyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04411131948607000725noreply@blogger.com