How to frost a cake without cursing

It CAN BE DONE, people, I swear.

(Actually, I don't. That's the whole point, mmmKay?)

Okay. So you've baked your cake. But as every sane person knows, a cake is just inedible without frosting.

So saith I.

Proceeding.

First you have to let the cake cool. I know, I know. This actually takes forethought and planning. It's hard, but we'll get through it. The best is to let it cool thoroughly AND put it in the fridge for a good half an hour - but that's pushing it, don't you think?

K. Now frost it. Does it look like this?

I thought so. The cake is peeping through. Very immodest of it, too. And lets not forget the thousands of crumbs that are marring up your frosting, as well. It's totally crumb-y. (Get it? Crumb-y? Crummy? Moving on ....)

Trick #1! Put it back in the fridge. Half an hour.

Now goop on more frosting.

Goop, baby, goop!

(I talk with my hands a lot. "Goop" looks something like this:)

Yessireebob. There's really nothing else to say after that picture.

All right, did you goop? Notice it was so much easier this time.

Besides, any two-year-olds you may have lying around will be sure to wipe up the inevitable goop spills.

Now for trick #2. When you're all gooped up, dip your knife (or spatula, if you're super Martha-y) into a cup of cold water. With very light pressure, smooth out all the goopiness. Dip back into the water frequently.

I'm tellin' ya, underneath all those decorations, the frosting is so smooth it looks like fondant.

(And very much tastier, too.)

Do you see the windows? Admire the windows. Smooooooooooooth like my legs on date night.

Mom! Did you just say that?

Yes. Yes I did.

Enjoy your cake and eat it too!