In which I want to know what you think

Essential oils?

Do you think they're a crock? Are you a convert? Do you even know what I'm talking about?

I'm wondering.

May I ask a question?

Why does "soccer mom" have such a negative connotation?

Even wikipedia, the fountain of all truth and knowledge, acknowledges it:

The phrase soccer mom generally refers to a married middle-class woman who lives in the suburbs and has school age children.^[1][2] She is sometimes portrayed in the media as busy or overburdened and driving a minivan.^[1][3] She is also portrayed as putting the interests of her family, and most importantly her children, ahead of her own. Soccer moms received so much attention during the election that the American Dialect Society voted "soccer mom" Word of the Year for 1996.The phrase has taken on a negative aspect.

I hear it on other blogs, too "Omigawrsh, look at this picture of me, I look like a soccer mom." On reality TV (What Not To Wear) - "oh, throw away everything you own. It all screams soccer mom!" In daily conversation - "I need a makeover, I look way too much like a soccer mom."

Why?








I really, truly want to know.

Because I'm lovin' it.

The big question

Put it away or give it away?

I'm going to reread this approximately 247247245 times

Because I want to be VERY careful not to ruffle any feathers.

Okay. So.

Preface: The parents in my church ward have varying takes on education. I'd say roughly 40% choose to send their children to public schools. The remaining 60% are split pretty evenly between charter schools and home schooling.

Alright. Now let's discuss why I'm discussing this.

As we all know, I'm doing this 'surviving summer' thing. Lots of activities, crafts, and outings with my kids. Lots of education and teaching and, most of all, having fun.

I'm feelin' good. I'm feelin' like I'm finally getting this mom thing. And I'm feelin' like I'm doing a good job.

But I can't tell you how many people tell me (in one breath), "You're such a good mom - you should home school - why don't you already?"

LOTS of people.

I guess I just don't like the implication that all good moms home school - and that all home schoolers are good moms. To me, they're mutually exclusive.

I know lots of home schooling moms that are amazing - absolutely wonderful mothers. Role models, and all that the word implies. They do a fantastic job home schooling their children, and their kids are the better for it. And yet I know lots of home schooling moms that are - ahem - awful. And their kids suffer.

But that goes the same for public/charter school moms too - some are great, some not so much.

(So really - women are just women no matter where their kids learn their ABCs.)

I think the whole childhood education decision is very personal - there isn't one right answer for everyone. Every child (and mother) is different, and should be treated accordingly.

Basically, I don't like being judged. Like I can't be a good mom unless I home school. Like only moms that home school are good.

I believe very strongly that mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. (This doesn't exclude dads - but moms are essentially The Buck.)

Elder Perry put it this way in last General Conference:

Teaching in the home is becoming increasingly important in today’s world, where the influence of the adversary is so widespread and he is attacking, attempting to erode and destroy the very foundation of our society, even the family. Parents must resolve that teaching in the home is a most sacred and important responsibility. While other institutions, such as church and school, can assist parents to “train up a child in the way he [or she] should go” (Proverbs 22:6), ultimately this responsibility rests with parents. According to the great plan of happiness, it is parents who are entrusted with the care and development of our Heavenly Father’s children. Our families are an integral part of His work and glory—“to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). On God’s eternal stage, it is usually intended that parents act as the central cast members in their children’s lives.

I know that the most important things my children should learn are things like

responsibility
kindness
proactivity
integrity
good manners
friendliness
forgiveness
being open and non-judgmental
service
ambition
thirst for knowledge
and the like -

and I fully intend to be the one teaching them these characteristics. (Or, at least, the most important one teaching them - but it's a team effort!) I won't leave my children's character up for grabs at a public school.

But I fully believe that I can teach my children these things while they attend public school. Having my kids attend public school doesn't exempt me from teaching my children. Nor does it prevent me from teaching them.

So.

I can be a good mom and not home school.

Thank you.

(Pssst. No bashing home school in the comments. That wasn't the point, please.)

I'm sure I'll totally regret this

I just can't shut up can I?

Okay, so it's common knowledge that I live in Arizona, right? And it's also ridiculously well-known about our new immigration law, correct?

Well. You wouldn't believe the hoopla over here.

And I don't think I've said a word about it to anyone - besides My Man, who's gotten an earful. I've been reallysupervery good and kept the peace and haven't ruffled any feathers. But I just can't do it anymore.

Because I've lived in another country.

I've totally been there - waited for hours and hours in line, dealt with mountains of paperwork and stupid laws and gotten quite tangled up in red tape. Repeatedly. I think, all told, we had to get six different visas before we were finally 'settled' in Brazil. One time we had to go to Argentina for a few days while our visas got sorted out. I've chewed up my fair share of fingernails and sweated up a storm over our Brazilian citizenship issues. I really, truly know what it's like to become legal in another country. It's a huge, fat, pain in the donkey.

(But we still did it.)

We waited in line. We dealt with the paperwork. And the laws. And the red tape. And everything. We bent over backwards to become legal citizens. We paid our taxes. We obeyed their laws.

So why can't everyone else?

I feel for the millions of people in our country who have worked and lived here for years. Who might not have anywhere to go, if they were deported. I'm sure they're terrified. I wish there was some sort of blanket amnesty for everyone who applies for citizenship within the next six months, or something. (And yes, I know that it would be a bureaucratic nightmare. But hey - we need to create jobs in America anyway, right?) Let's let who's here, stay here. IF they walk the walk.

But after that, hey -

Legal is the way we roll, people.

I support lawful obedience. As does my church:

12th Article of Faith: We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.

And the law is that you need a green card to stay. I honor that.

A very different post

HEALTH CARE REFORM.

Wait - don't stop reading.

I just wanted to say a couple things.

Ahem.

I am amazed at the reactions this whole thing is generating. "This is the end of the world." "Obama is the devil himself." "Our entire country is going to pot." And I can't help snorting my sinuses out every time I read another facebook status about it.

Because - seriously - THIS IS NOT A MORAL ISSUE.

Sheesh, people.

I'm tired of hearing people exhort me to prayer and fasting that the reform will not come to pass - that people assume that any and every one is against it. Tired of hearing that anyone who is for it is going to hell.

And - forgive me - but the most vocal antis really don't seem to know what the heck they're talking about.

I honestly think that most people are against it simply because it seems the cool thing to do. It's easy. You don't have to defend yourself. You can simply roll your eyes and repeat one or all of the trite phrases mentioned above. "GAWRSH (ala Napoleon Dynamite) - can you believe Obama the Devil is letting our country go to pot? It's the end of the world! I need some chapstick. My lips hurt real bad."

Those who have done their research and are honestly opposed to it: good on ya. Kudos. Those who have done their research and are honestly for it: good on ya. Kudos. Either way, please do not invoke God or the devil or both. I doubt they care.

Let's spend our energy and facebook statuses on things that really would affect the moral standing of the United States - and if you really need an issue to work your undies into a scrunch, I've got a whole list of 'em. The cost is one tube of strawberry chapstick -

because cherry flavored is of the devil, and rots my lips to pot.

Inquiring mind wants to know

When someone does you a favor for which you did not ask, do you make specifications?

i.e. if you're going to fold my laundry, please do it this way ... if you're going to cut my grass, don't forget the side yard ... if you're going to make me dinner, please don't make seafood ... if you're going to help me out, will you actually help me out?

My philosophy at the moment is: embarrassment wins. I can't bring myself to make qualifications or requests when someone is serving me out of the Christian goodness of their hearts - and then I go back and re-do it the way I like it.

Am I wrong? What do you think?

Try to keep your responses civil

When I open a can of worms, it's usually because I'm genuinely interested in others' opinions - not because I like tension and heat and open disdain.

(Usually.)

Alright, so today's discussion is on sleepovers.

Do you or don't you?

I have to make my own declaration before I expect anyone else to make theirs: we don't.

My reasons are many. One of them is safety. You hear freaky scary stories every day about "trustworthy" people who turn out to be your worst nightmare. Many of them are family. (This boggles my mind. And depresses me to no end.)

Another is this: every questionable experience of my youth took place at a sleepover. Same with My Man. Our parents would be horrified to know the things that happened at innocent girlie pajama parties. (Dear Mom - no, I'm not telling you, so don't ask.) I just tried googling an image for 'sleepovers,' and was appalled. I think you get the drift. Hint - don't google an image for sleepovers....

It's really sad. Because I had some great sleepovers, too. Friendships were deepened and lifelong love and devotion proclaimed. The majority of my sleepovers were entirely innocent and fun-filled.

BUT THEN.

My Man and I have had many discussions about this topic. Because I know darn well that I can't shield my children from every single evil influence - and in fact, I shouldn't. They need opposition to test their strength and prove what they've learned.

... On the other hand, I'm not going to blatantly display the world two inches in front of their little noses. While I can't protect them from the influence of alcohol forever, I'm not going to take them to bars.

In short, I will do all I can to keep them from situations I know to be contrary to our values.

Question is - do sleepovers fall under that definition?

For my husband and I, we decided that the bad outweighs the good. We will be happy to let our sons go to sleepovers until midnight or so, and then we will pick them up. Sleep, they will not.

I'm well aware that they will probably be ridiculed. That we may offend some parents. But again - for us, we feel it is worth it.

I understand parents who don't feel the way we do, and I don't want to argue - my simple question is, what do you do?

(For basically all the same things I said, but better written and backed up, this is an excellent article on the subject.)

why i go natural. now shut up.

I've had three babies one time each without drugs.


















I generally get two reactions when I tell people this:

One - aspirations against my sanity.
Two - defensiveness.

I must say that *I* rarely bring it up. I don't flaunt it. I do not have I AM TOUGH tattooed on my forehead. I don't pass around fliers or join Facebook groups or try to convince anyone to do it "my way." I mention it when a circle of ladies are swapping birth stories - as seems to happen way more than is probably healthy.

I do not say a word against the medical community. I do not preach against The Evil Anesthesia. I had three beautiful experiences that brought me joy, end of story -

To the tune of: "You're crazy!" "So you like pain?" "What a glutton for punishment." "I would never in a million years be that stupid."

This offends me. I do not mock their decision. Why mock mine?

And second, it seems that most listeners get very defensive - without any offense from me. I get the feeling they think I am awesomer-than-thou for going natural. They think I think I'm tougher. Or healthier. Or better, somehow.

WhatEV.

So ya wanna know WHY I go natural? I shall tell you, my friend. And then, perhaps, print this off and carry it around with me.

I have a cousin. Say hi.


We're the same age ('cept I'm older by SIX WEEKS), and I think of her as my sister, even if I don't call her as much as she would like. (Hi, babe!) She married the year before I did, and babies soon followed. I listened to every detail she shared with me, knowing that my time would soon come.

She, like me, planned on getting an epidural with her first. We both just always assumed we'd get one. (Doesn't everybody?) But due to circumstances beyond her control, she couldn't. It was involuntarily natural. And she had a terrible time of it.

I listened to her horror story, and vowed that I would prepare for "the worst," just in case I couldn't get the drugs for some reason. Truly, as a back up plan. Because you have to be emotionally prepared for that kind of thing - not to mention physically.

I did some research and decided I liked the Bradley method best. I read the books, did the exercises, practiced practiced practiced - and I did it.


And I liked it.

So I did it two more times.













That's really it. I'm not better than anyone else for it. I'm also not crazy.

I plan on going natural for #4, but I'm also not against an epidural if, say, my pelvis breaks. Or I'm in labor for 42 hours. Or this time it hurts way-freaking-more than it usually does. (Which is still a lot, I'll have you know.)

But the plan thus far is no meds.

Is that so hard to understand?!

No husbands were harmed in the making of this post

Don't you think it would be incredibly convenient if our spouses read our minds? It would save so much trouble and pretense.

Wife: "Hi, hun, how was your day?" I had an awful one, and I'm dying to vent to you.
Husband: "Just great." Can you wait five minutes? I gotta pee.
Wife: "Good to hear." Be fast. Then offer to make dinner, please, or I will die.

Of course, sheer honesty would eliminate the need for this, but then there's the whole issue of 'A Gift I Ask For is No Gift at All.'

Sometimes I don't want to ASK My Man to do the dishes. I want him to just KNOW.

If he does it without my actually asking him, he's doing it because he wants to - not because I asked him. And that creates all kinds of warm, lovey-dovey feelings. But if I have to verbalize my indubitable desires, it creates all kinds of feelings of guilt and bad-wife-ship and nag-meister-ness and general laziness. It's like Tuesday night.

That Girl: "Hun, how much homework do you have?"
My Man: "Not too bad. Why?"
TG: I could really - REALLY - go for some Coldstone right now. Pretty please? (internally feeling soooo bad for asking him....)
MM: No problem, love of my life. Let me just finish this real quick.
(We end up talking for an hour and suddenly it's a quarter to ten and Coldstone is about to close.)
MM: Shoot! I better get going.
TG: Oh, no, hun, it's so late and I'm a bad person from keeping you from your homework this long. Please, please, please still get it. I want it. Bad. Please.
MM: Don't be silly. What kind do you want.
TG: I'm not telling. Don't go. It's too late. Do your homework. I'm serious. I changed my mind anyway. Don't go. Of course I still want it. Please go. Cheesecake with raspberries and brownies.
MM: *kiss* I'll be back.

Lucky for me when it comes to Coldstone runs, he's very good at reading my mind.

But this is not always so. I wonder if many marital problems are due to the simple fact that we are not psychic.

Think about it. Any romantic novel I have ever read (which, I grant you, isn't that many) includes a couple that love each other so much and know each other so well that there is really no point in conversing at all. The heroine saw that look in his eye and KNEW. The hero glanced at the way she held her shoulders and he KNEW.

Bull.

I once tested My Poor Man. It was a good two years ago. We were cleaning up dinner, and he used a rag to wipe up some spilled somethingorother. Then he chucked it toward the kitchen island, missed, and it ended up on the floor. I teased him about getting it later, and he responded in kind.

The rag stayed there for three weeks.

I swept around it in the ensuing days. I seethed every time I looked at it. Merely walking into the kitchen mad me madder than Mr. Squishy getting his diaper changed.

Shouldn't My Man just KNOW that HE was supposed to pick it up?!

After three weeks, I came to the realization that he was indeed NOT trying to drive me crazy. Quite honestly, he had completely forgotten about it. And he really didn't know that he was utterly failing in a job description he did not apply for.

I threw the rag away. And then laughed myself silly.

Whenever we test our companions, we only set them up for failure, and ourselves for anger. Every time.

(...Have you ever done it?)

I am not the first. Nor will I be the last.

Lots of people have blogged about Tiger's recent transgressions. (I should say "alleged" transgressions, but c'mon. He totally cheated on his wife. He knows it. I know it. And so does the rest of the world.)

Sarah over at State of the Obvious had something to say about it too. And I was so prolific in her comment section that I figured I might as well have my own post about it. I will tell you what I told her:

I don't contribute to the celebrity gossip industry. Sure, I read the headlines in the grocery store. But I don't know how many kids Angelina and Brad have, and I'm STILL not quite sure who the Kardashians are, or why they're famous. I didn't even find out the Balloon Boy was fake til like a month after the fact. Clueless. That's me.

But I know who Tiger Woods is. And so I'm taking his downfall pretty seriously.

I love The Family. I love Marriage. I love Love and Happiness and Bliss and Joy and all that goopy, gooey stuff. And there are too many people in the world who believe that it's all fairy tales. Too many people honestly believe that it's not possible to be happy with just one person for the rest of your life. Too many people who think infidelity is a given - the inevitable consequence to a years-old marriage without romance or passion.

And these people - these pessimistic, jaded people - point to real life. They point to the countless examples we have in Hollywood, politics and sports. It seems there isn't a single public figure that can have a good, healthy, happy marriage until death do they part. (If you know of any, PLEASE let me know. Mel Gibson's divorce set me back a while, too.)

So when I hear about another one biting the dust, I cringe. Because it seems to support Their Theory. Their heinous, faithless theory that marriages CAN'T be a forever gig.

And I say support their theory - but not prove. Because their theory is wrong. Dead wrong. That kind of happiness IS possible. I know it. I'm not a public figure, but I'd be willing to make myself the poster child for MY theory - There are Such Things as Fairy Tale Marriages.

Rant over.

Hello, little wormies in your nice open can

I'm getting the (normal) flu shot next week.

And so are my kids.

Discuss.