In which lightening strikes a little too late

So I'm on my way to the doctor with a crabby NBC in the back. Mommy Diagnosis: ear infection.

(me, unabashedly showing off how adorable he is, even though these pictures have nothing to do with this story. 

he certainly didn't look like this on the way to the doctor.)

They couldn't squeeze me in at my normal office, and their other location was in relatively unfamiliar territory. I was driving a bit slow, knowing I had to turn right into the parking lot soon and afraid I would miss it.

Enter Big Bad Black Truck, merging in directly behind me. Can't see his headlights. He's mad I'm going slow. I'm ignoring him.

I'm watching signs closely, hands at 10 and 2. I see it. I turn. I squealed the tires only a leetle bit.

Big Bad Black Truck SLAMS on his brakes, spewing black smoke everywhere. In my rearview mirror, I see him flip a Uey (how do spell that?!) IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and follow me into the parking lot.

Um, really?

Big Bad Black Truck, riding my tail. I glance at the NBC. He's sucking his thumb, thoroughly unconcerned.

I pull into a space and cautiously open my door.

...

I didn't know the F word could be used in so many different verb tenses. It was actually rather impressive in an obtuse way.

Among other things, he said

• that I was an awful driver
• that I was lucky he didn't run me over right now
• that he had four kids in the car and they all could have died, how dare I, etc., etc.
• that I was ... a lot of foul things

Insert the F word about twenty times and you'll have a rough idea of what he sounded like. Really, it didn't even make sense.

Confound it, I started to giggle. It was just all so ridiculous.

He concluded by calling me the wildly creative name of a female dog, and screeched off into the sun.

My hands were shaking for a good ten minutes.

After the doctor's appointment, on the way home, I pondered on what I could have said had I been in possession of my vocal faculties.

"You're an incredible role model for your four children. They must adore you."
"You must be having a really bad day if a slightly late turn can make you that ornery. Do you want a hug?"
"You shouldn't even have four kids in the back of a pick-up, you know."

But my mom said it best -

"Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a jerk."

I've decided to take -

a SUMMER SABBATICAL.

I will probably continue to post about our Date Nights, but for the most part I'll be doing the following:

Monday:

AM - groceries, library
PM - science project

Tuesday:

AM - pool
PM - neighbor's day camp

Wednesday

AM - themed outing
PM - Little Prince art class, "home date" with Sunshine, possibly a movie afterward

Thursday

AM - playdates
PM - home craft projects

Friday

AM - summer movies at the theater (ten movies for six bucks!)
PM - get a babysitter for the two little ones while they're taking their naps, and have a date with the two older ones

We also have daily time blocked out for reading, math and boredom. I'm a big believer in unstructured time. How will they learn to creatively fill their time if they don't have any time to fill?

And following last year's "Surviving Summer," we have weekly themes. Every theme will include a craft, an activity, a recipe, an outing, and a service project. The kids helped me select themes for this year. We've got:

Dinosaurs
Science
South America
Africa
Asia
United States
Trains
Farm
Cars

I'm still available through email (and I'd be happy to email you my list of the fun things we're doing), and I'm sure I'll float around the blogosphere occasionally. But in the meantime, just know I haven't died or anything. I'm just hangin' with these guys.

Have a great summer, and see you in August!

Today, on this most sacred of Memorial Days,

we will be cleaning the garage.

I'm so pumped.

What are you doing?

If you give a mom some motivation ...

She'll probably start to clean her room.

And while cleaning that room, the Ginormous Tupperware of Scrapbook Stuff is liable to drive her suddenly crazy.

And she'll want to put it away.

Then she'll decide that the best place to put it is in the kitchen hutch. Which is full of sewing materials and kids' crafts.

So then she decides to move the sewing materials into the basement cabinet, and the kids crafts into kitchen cupboards.

And then she'll realize that the basement cabinet is already stuffed, and it would be better to put up some shelves.

So she'll run to Home Depot.

And while at Home Depot, she'll notice these nifty kitchen cupboard organizers, which would help make more room for kid crafts.

So she'll buy some.

When she gets home, she'll put up the shelves, and put the sewing stuff on them.

Then she'll move the dress-up clothes from their pile on the floor to the basement cabinet.

She'll commence putting in the nifty kitchen cupboard organizers to make room for kids crafts. Which are really hard to put in.

Motivation is failing.

By the end of the day,

only one nifty cupboard organizer is put in.
kids crafts are strewn all over the kitchen.
the new sewing materials' shelves are falling down.
scrapbook stuff is still in the Ginormous Tupperware.
and her room is messier than ever.

That Girl by the numbers

2 weeks of sickness in the house
1 bout of stomach flu
4 people with strep throat
2 ear infections
1 ruptured eardrum
1 case of pink eye
1 can of Lysol
1/2 canister of Clorox wipes
3 times I've washed the blankies/sheets/pillowcases
12983719641984714 times I've lost my temper
too many movies to count

...and we've been married 9 years
TODAY.

Happy Anniversary, my darling - it's just another day in paradise, isn't it?

In which I shall speak words of wisdom

So I'm convinced that PLANNING is the key to SUCCESS.

And I am equally convinced that sometimes you need to throw the plan out the window.

Because sometimes, when you're making dinner, you notice a couple hot air balloons landing the next block over.

And you have to turn the burner off - and go see it.

And sometimes, when you just got back from a long bike ride, you find out that your HOA is releasing 250,000 ladybugs.


And you have to guzzle your water - and go see it.

And sometimes, your kids are knock-you-down precious and wonderful and perfect -

And you should put down what you're doing - because you need to see that, too.

it hurts to type

carpal tunnel stinks

the end

In which my rhyming skills are not showcased

Heading to the library

Feeling rather fine

The sports class there is lots o fun

With three young boys of mine!

Slowing down to turn

I see

The car behind me whizzing.

"He's going much too fast," 

I say,

And sure enough - 

KaPLIZZING!

But really the sound is more like

Ka-BOOM

Alas, Babylon, did you happen?

That sound is not 'jarring,' not 'crashing,' not 'bashing,'

It's like my own brain is a-wackin.' 

First thought: the kids. Are they okay?

Then - not again!

Ka-BOOM!

That darn whizzing car done pushed me on

Smack into a pissed off SUV. 

So mini-van momma takes out

One. Two. Three

And the other drivers, they start wiggin.'

And everyone's wailin' and weeping and woanin' 

(Whatever that is - we were doin'.) 

But the cop, he was nice, 

And passed out Beanie Babies,

And the great 'venture came to an end. 

The kids have a great story to tell

And the insurance has a bill for ten grand.

I never cry over spilled milk

Oh, no.

i roar. 

Children scatter as milk rivulets leap joyfully about my clean tile, the Big Bad Milk Monster rearing inside of me.

(She's quite fearsome.)

How is it that a cup of spilled milk produces a gallon's worth of splatters all over my kitchen?

And walls?
And chairs?
And underside of my table?

I sop up. Then mop. Then mop again. And yet -

little, sticky, glistening dried ovals all over my floor. They laugh at me every time I walk in my kitchen.

I'm thinking that we're going to turn into a water-only family. I will pay their osteoporosis bills gladly.

Just don't make me clean up a n o t h e r spill.

In which I hope my kids remember days like this

It rained yesterday.

Clearly, this meant yesterday was an Occasion.

(It's Arizona. It doesn't rain much here.)

(Plus, I was doing laundry anyway.)

So I pulled out our boots, hats and coats, and we went


puddle jumping.

Too soon the puddles ran dry, so it was necessary to bring out the hose and refill them. And display an exhibition on Being Two.

And then we jumped. and jumped. and jumped some more.

It was a wonderful, perfect, puddle-jumping kind of day.

...

So why don't my kids remember days like this, and instead have to remind me constantly of the time (three years ago) when I screamed at them for jabbing my wood table with forks?!

It's only 9 o'clock? Really?

The NBC is teething. Four teeth. At once. Oh, and he has a cold.
Mr. Squishy hasn't slept in two days. Neither have we.
Sunshine is not sunny. He's sensitive, crabby, and prone to throwing any and all fragile and/or sentimental objects within reach.
My floor is a hazard to my children's health. No. Really.
I haven't even started sorting what I estimate to be about ten loads of laundry. There is no clean underwear in the house. Minor detail.
We have no milk. And we're down to two bananas. This is bad.
I'm hosting a party tomorrow, and I haven't a clue what I'm serving. Then there's the fact that my house looks like it threw up on itself.
(I'd post a picture, but I just ... don't think ... I can ....)

SO.

I am so totally going to break our "weekends only" movie rule, pop in Finding Nemo, and START.









Maybe.

There will come a day

when no one will be sick or hurt.

when no one will even be sniffly.

and that will be the best. day. ever.

the end.

(four weeks and counting ....)

In which I roll my eyes

What I have done:

What I have not done:

Why does my house get messier the deeper I clean it?!

And I say unto you

It came to pass that a pestilence spread across the land. 

Mr. Squishy was struck thereof, and behold, his fall was great.

Sunshine was soon to follow, and Little Prince did not escape the scourge.

The NBC also followed in his brethren's path, and his lamenting could be heard throughout the land.

Wherefore it must needs be that we must partake of much medicine. And their voices are as thunder.

And I was much grieved because of my afflictions, insomuch my frame had no strength.

And it came to pass that the Lord stretched forth his hand and my posterity was much healed for the space of two days.

But I know of a surety that patience hath not been learned, for behold, He saw fit to let the pestilence return, yea, even return with much awfulness. And there was weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.

And behold, my brain hath melted. Even so. Amen.

How to make PB&J extraordinary

Don a paper mustache and speak with a French awkSHENT! (Even if you don't know how to do one.)

Today I

cleaned a bathroom.
made bread.
did six loads of laundry (folded and put away!)
made a ton of baby food.
repotted my porch plants.
dusted the living room.
had a playdate.
cuddled.

It's a good thing days like that don't happen very often, or I'd hate myself.

(Except for the cuddle part.)

At 10:00AM this morning,

Little Prince was at school. (We miss him.)

Sunshine was on pbs.org. (His favoritest thing.)

The NBC was asleep in a messy room. (Shhhh.)

And I was sewing, whilst Mr. Squishy ate a zucchini chocolate chip cookie and played puzzles.

What were you doing? Nie (and I!) want to know.

Saturday morning

Haiku

The bane of a cold
Pale, dry, leathery sick lips
I hate your guts tons.

Best Saturday night ever

Dancing in the kitchen
while
Doing the dishes
then
Running to the grocery store for milk
at 10:00 at night
and
Doing a good deed for a friend walking home in the rain

I love my husband
and

I love that my mom is home to stay with sleeping kids