In which I am flabbergasted.

 I don't think I've ever actually used that word. It's kind of fun!

So! You all know the deliciousness that is Stepper, right? If not, dig in. Well, she had a giveaway a while back, and I

won

it.

And I didn't even have to cheat! Go me!

I was so supercalafragilisticexpialadocious excited to open it. There may have been excessive giggling.

(Yes, I have used THAT word before ... but I'm not about to type it again.)

And then my jaw proceeded to drop as the package just kept GOING .....

First up we have a CD of Stepper's favorite tunes. Before we proceed, check out that cover. You may have to enlarge it to fully appreciate the awesomeness.  I don't know if it was talented Stepper or talented Stepper's Husband who drew it, but there is talent going on here.

Per her suggestion, I listened to it laying down on my back, in the dark, at full volume. That didn't last long, however, as my children heard the music. (Plus also, I was laying down. Why is laying-down-mommy the most intriguing toy?)

Um, WOW. I hadn't heard of a single song on there, but I can tell already I'm about to be obsessed. It's been a while since I've listened to songs purely for my own enjoyment (Safety Kids, Peter and the Wolf, and Les Mes are kind of all we listen to lately, although they are all amazing in their own right), and I'd forgotten that I used to. Listen to music, I mean.

Laying down with my eyes closed, my children twirling all around me, I remembered myself. I remembered that I used to listen to music 24/7. I remembered that I'm a person, not just a mommy. I remembered a whole part of me that has been sleeping for some time.

Thank you, Stepper, for waking her up.

Next up we have The Cutest Notebooks and Post-it Notes. How did you know, Stepper? How did you know that I carry paper with me everywhere I go? And that my thoughts are so much more inspired when the paper is pretty? 

A mustache. How freakin' cool is that.

Mr. Squishy got it to stick all by itself, since he has a cold.

The coolest retro pins and magnets EVER.  They make me feel, like, HIP. My fridge doesn't know what to do with itself.

The most  beautiful rose earrings and matching ring. They trick people into thinking I'm refined and fashionable. I love them.

And perhaps my favorite - MONSTERS!

Yes, she hand made all of those! Ever since I first saw her monsters on her blog, I wanted one. Or two. Or four.

And she read my mind!

They are quite at home on our stairway mantel. Although they may meander to the computer desk. Or the basement toy shelf. Or the couch. Or the kids' beds. Or my bed.

I'm in love.

But!

There was more - much more! Retro paper glasses, thank you cards, a whole truffle bar ... I'm tellin' ya, my jaw may never fully recover from the droppage that happened here last night.

Thank you, Stepper, for brightening every corner of my day!

Um. Wow. I'm actually posting.

Confession. For the first month of my Summer Sabbatical, it was nice. Soooo nice. When I had free time, I wasn't scanning photos for blog ideas, wishing I had paid more attention in my photography class, staring at a blank page, feeling guilty for not commenting more, stressed and pressure-ized to blog every day. It wasn't on my chore-list, and it was wonderful.

Instead, I read. And hung out with the fam. And read some more. Oh, and I read, too.

And then, after a few weeks ... I started to get these ideas. Funny phrases would fly through my head and I'd think, "hey, I should use that on a blog ..." only to realize I wasn't blogging.

(Before you get all excited for comic awesomeness, I have now forgotten all those funny phrases. Forgiveness, please.)

Another thing happened. I stopped taking pictures. It was like, without that little orange funky-looking "B" haunting me, I had no reason to document my life. Who knew.

Even sadder, we stopped dating. I know. I KNOW! Very weird, considering we didn't start our "52 Dates" thing just to blog about it - but without accountability, it didn't happen. We've been boring all summer.

I'm so disappointed in us.

So even though summer's not quite over, and there's still two weeks left before school starts, and it's not like I really have anything to say -

I'M BACK.

Because more than anything  -

I missed you!

Easter countdown

One of my favorite things about blogging is how inspired I am by all of YOU. For some time now I've been pondering how to make Easter more meaningful. Inspired by Jocelyn and Janae, I'm joining them in an Easter countdown.

Janae had found these awesome hollow wooden eggs last year, and I basically fell in love. My mom and I painted all last week to turn them into true treasures. I'm sure they'll get beat up and nicked as the years go by, but I know they'll turn into priceless heirlooms just the same. I have visions of presenting hand painted Easter Countdown eggs to my sons when they get married.

We plan on having a little devotional every morning this week. First we'll sing the Primary Song, "He Sent His Son" and then open the egg. Read the enclosed scripture and talk about what it means to you. Personal application is the key.

I also got a couple Easter books to read throughout the week. I hope to add to my Easter library every year!

I started with these two:

May the Easter spirit be with each of you this week, as we celebrate the best news the earth has ever received -

He is risen!

In which I ACTUALLY DO THIS

This is exactly the SECOND time I have done a meme. Ever. If you can find my first one, I will send you cookies.
Basically, it's late. I'm tired. My creativity is zilch. And this looked like fun.
 
Age: 29

Bed Size: Queen-size. We cuddle. (Yes I KNOW what you say about queen sizes, Kristina ...)

Chore You Hate:  Laundry. LAUNDRY!!!!!! LAUNDRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dogs:  None. But I want one. Reeeeeeeeeeeeally bad.

Essential Start of Your Day: Exercise. (Wow. Did I just say that?!)

Favorite Color: Green. But sometimes blue.

Gold or Silver: Silver, no contest.

Height: 5'7

Instruments You Play: Piano - that's it.


Job Title: Dona da Casa. Duh.

Kids: almost 7, almost 5, almost 3, and 1 (ONE! He's ONE!)

Live: Arizona. Best place ever.

Mom's Name: If I told you, you could steal my identity. Pretty sure there's like five people in the country with my mom's first name.

Nicknames: Becky J, Bex, Beckster, Beieckeye, Rebecca Anastasia, Re (pronounce Hey - Portuguese)

Overnight Hospital Stays: Just the four babes. And some ovarian cyst business in high school.

Pet Peeve: People who have lots of pet peeves

Quote From a Movie: "Okay, that will be fun!"

Right- or Left-Handed: Right

Siblings: 1 sister, 3 brothers

Time You Wake Up: 5:00AM on the nose

Underwear: Mormon-style; over the shoulder, down to the knees

Veggie You Dislike: Brussel Sprouts. No amount of ketchup could entice me. 'Specially since I don't really like ketchup.

What Makes You Run Late: Trying to do too many things before I need to be somewhere - if I could just switch the laundry before I go, it would be great! ...

X-Rays You Have Had: Just the teeth. Oh, and when I hit my head on a trampoline in college. I had a bunch of CAT scans. That's a story.

Yummy Food You Make:  Homemade bread. And a whole bunch of stuff that's bad for you.

Zoo Animal You Like Best: Penguins! Or monkeys.

Let's help a girl out

So my excellent friend Stepper asked me a question recently -

what do you do for lunch? 

I recall asking the exact same question a while back. Back then, we did rice and beans for lunch. A whole lot.

Now, we have PB&J at least once a week - grilled cheese at least twice - mac and cheese - hot dogs - chicken nuggets - fish sticks - quesadillas - and sometimes I forcefeed them leftovers. I've kind of resolved myself to boring regularity when it comes to lunch. As for me, I eat a lot of wraps, stir-frys, and salads.

(I'm on a diet.)

But for the kids, maybe it's time for a revamp?

So - what do you do?

In which I WIN SOMETHING AND MUST SHOUT MY EXCITEMENT FROM SOMEPLACE VERY HIGH

Another Cars' quote. Didja catch it?

So, I done won something. Lyramare was doing a giveaway on The Barrel, and (if you haven't caught on already), I WON IT. 

I. Won. I.

My prize arrived in a beauteous box wrapped in a slinky black ribbon. It made me think of French things.

The earrings are gorgeous -a perfect blend of distinctiveness and everyday casual. They match everything.

I wore them yesterday with a different necklace - I don't like to go too matchy-matchy with my accessories - and got lots of compliments. Sunshine said they looked like berries, and tried to eat them.

Silly Sunshine.

So - when I take pictures of myself, at least the first twenty are throwaways. Does this happen to you?

I always have this weird "look natural, look natural, look natural, look natural" look on my face - usually involving lip curling and squinty eyes - that doesn't look natural at all.

It's not until I start cracking up at myself that I find any good ones.

Thank you Lyramare, for not only providing me with pretty things, but helping me not take myself seriously for at least ten minutes.

In which I cross over

So, I've crossed it. The line. I officially have more posts on Pensievity than I do on The Misplaced Americans.

I've been watching the number creep up for some time. Thinking, "gee, when Pensievity passes The Misplaced Americans, I'll have to do some big superubercool post."

And ... I got nothin'.

Which really beautifully defines how I feel about the whole thing.

I've been brooding about doing a list of my 'best posts' for some time. But every time I look through my history, all my favorite ones are from Brazil.

Reading through my other blog, I laugh out loud quite frequently. I marvel at my cleverness. And I think - what happened to me? I think I left most of my wit and humor - and all of my cleverness - back home in Cabreuva.

(I was definitely skinnier too.)

I loved Brazil. It defined who I am. I still think about it all the time - and talk about it way more than is probably healthy. And - let's be frank - I still link to it on my sidebar. Is it time to take it down?

We spent five years down there. The majority of our marriage. (It'll be nine years this May.) The majority of our parenting was spent down there too. (It'll be seven years in June.) We met people and had experiences there that changed us forever.

So - when do you cross the line from wist - to whine? 

I have absolutely no contrition over moving here. I love Arizona. I have no regrets. It was the right thing to do. We are where we're supposed to be.

But - it's still shocking to me that we've been here almost two years, and we are now, according to blogland,




moving on.

In which my blog makes me better

This morning as I rounded the corner into the kitchen, smack in front of me there was a quarter-sized brown rock. I reflexively bent to pick it up - I do have a crawler who loooooves to eat rocks - and realized it was soft.

And warm.

And stinky.

Yes. Oh yes. Poop.

It was then the trail of feces became apparent - all the way down the hall and into the NBC's room.

And there perched Mr. Squishy, so proud of himself for climbing up into the crib to play with his just-woke-up little brother. Consequently smearing everything with excrement.

And as I'm exclaiming in a loud voice - "Poop! Poop everywhere! Ew! Ew! Grooooooooss!" my husband very wisely observed,

"This would make a great blog."

My gross factor immediately dwindled to zero, to be replaced by utter amusement and anticipation.

And THAT, ladies (do I have any gentlemen?) is why I blog.

So I finally figured out why I'm not famous

It's because I don't take amazing photos of, like, doorknobs. And food. And my homemade throw pillow, or vintage frame that I had to strip, restain and modpodge.

Also, because I don't really know what modpodge is.

Also, I don't wear superamazingmagazine outfits. (That I usually think look ridiculous in realeveryday life, to be honest.)

The truth:

I take pictures of my kids. And sometimes trees. They are merely marginally-better-than-average photos.

I cook. But pictures of the food do not look delicious.

I occasionally craft. But pictures of said crafts look really dumb.

I wear marginally-better-than-average clothes. I never take pictures of them.

So - it all comes down to photos, basically.

Now please understand - I am not even remotely bitter about my non-famous status. I am one of the thousands of people who Follow these photographic (and photogenic) ladies who make dented salt shakers look amazing on film.

It is merely amusing to me that every time I see a link to a blogger whose "follower" gadget is in the thousands, it's never because of how well they write. It's because of the pictures. (I can think of two exceptions - one is super snarky and one is super sweet AND snarky.)

Yes - a lot of these picture-taking-wonders CAN write as well. But would they be well-known based on words alone? I read so many blogs that I feel SHOULD be famous - and they're not. Probably because there aren't any pictures of dented salt shakers or 18th century doorknobs.

Oh, and I'm pretty sure the fact that I don't have a three column layout is working against me, too.

And the winner is .....

Not you.

Nope. You either.

It's PETRA! She's an England-er who married an American-er and lives in Utah. Er. She's also a fantastic cook and hilarious to boot. Although she needs to post more pictures of herself on her blog, so that I can blatantly steal them and put them on mine.

Congrats, ma'am!

In which I say something really funny and get you to read this post

My husband told me to "say something funny and get you to read this post." I did. I'm so compliant.

SO!

My Man is doing his MBA and is currently preparing for his Marketing final. He is researching diapers. Yup. Diapers. And he needs experts!

(This is where you come in.)

So -

what brand do you buy? why?
what brand DON'T you buy? why?
where do you buy diapers?
do you care what they look like? (cartoon characters, denim look, etc.)
do you buy in bulk?

Please respond! And quickly! His final is this weekend. ;o)

In which I break my vow with much relish

So you remember the CBC? And you remember how I swore before the Bloggy Gods that I would never attend a conference?

I sinned. And I LOVED it.

I felt much pricked after reading a talk by Elder Bednar. He really didn't say much at all about meeting online friends, but that's what I got out of it. That I needed to see people as they really are - which is somewhat challenging if we never meet.

Well, I met some fabulous ladies. And I'm pretty sure I got to see them as they really are (I even saw Annie's girdle.) They even got to see me - without mascara. Pretty sure the number of people who can claim this privilege has now doubled.

So. I was wrong. Meeting bloggy friends ROCKS.

And I am so at the next CBC.

At 10:00AM this morning,

Little Prince was at school. (We miss him.)

Sunshine was on pbs.org. (His favoritest thing.)

The NBC was asleep in a messy room. (Shhhh.)

And I was sewing, whilst Mr. Squishy ate a zucchini chocolate chip cookie and played puzzles.

What were you doing? Nie (and I!) want to know.

In which a plea is made. Several times.

So a dear friend of mine recently emailed me with a

PLEA FOR DINNER HELP.

It's like it says in Cold Sassy Tree. "Ain't a woman in the world who hasn't prayed to God for help in what to make for dinner."

Amen and amen.

So here's what my friend says:

I am in need of ideas and recipes of things I can make days ahead and freeze or put into the crock pot quickly earlier in the day. Or any ideas of very fast (literally 15 minutes start to finish, with children distractions) beyond the typical spaghetti or grilled cheese sandwiches would be great too. Healthy, kid-friendly ideas would be ideal, but frankly I have mostly given up trying to make things my kids will like because unless it is spaghetti, mac and cheese or pizza, there will be something to complain about. So, they just have to deal with whatever healthy stuff they get.

I heart my friend lots.

(I'd totally post an embarrassing picture of her, but all my embarrassing pictures of her are from college, and that was before the days of digital cameras, and that would mean I have to scan in embarrassing pictures, and that would just take too long, and I'm tired.)

How about I just post a picture of the NBC playing with his toes? Yes, good idea.


So my friend sent this PLEA FOR DINNER HELP email to all the Moms, Grandmas, Sisters, and Friends she knew.

And it occurred to me I know a lot of those.

So - wanna help out my friend? And me? And each other?

I'm including my own tried n true recipes, as well -

Enjoy, and please help!

Because toes are tasty, but they don't fill up the belly.

Let's get started.

*******************************************************************

NOTE: Best thing to do that keeps dinners easy - cook the meat as soon as you get home from the grocery store. I throw all the chicken in every glass dish I own, sprinkle it with garlic and salt and bake. While it's goin', I mush together all the ground beef in the biggest pot I own, add garlic and salt and fry. Just put in (quality) Ziploc bags and freeze!

(At least, that's what I do when I'm on top of things. Which isn't that often, I admit.)

Anyway, most of my quick recipes use this pre-cooked meat.

You can also just do double dinner duty every time you cook - make two of everything. I'm tellin' ya. Almost everything freezes.

Muffins and bread freeze really well too. Whenever you're baking, double or quadruple your recipe and freeze away. They heat up beautifully in the microwave.

You can also pre-cut your veggies and freeze them, too - peppers especially. (Word to the wise: if you freeze brocooli, don't thaw it before using.)

AND YET ANOTHER NOTE: These are quick versions. They are tasty, but mucho tastier-o if done the slow, "right" way. Like making an actual white sauce instead of using cream of whatever. But, you know, WHATEVER.

**************************************************************

Chicken Broccoli Casserole:

Quick boil/steam/microwave onions and broccoli. While it's goin', mix a can of cream of chicken soup with cream cheese and milk. Line the pan with pre-cooked chicken and dump first the veggies, then the sauce on. Sprinkle with cheese and pop in the oven til the cheese melts.

Simple Meatball Subs

Heat up some good ole Costco meatballs with a bottle of spaghetti sauce. Either in the microwave or the crockpot. Meanwhile, toast some hoagie buns (or hot dog buns, if you don't have any hoagies on hand). Spoon some meatballs on the buns and sprinkle with mozzarella. Voila! Dinner.

Go-To Pizza

My pizza crust is ready in 20 minutes.

Mix: 1 Tablespoon honey, 1 tsp. salt, 4 1/2 teaspoons yeast, and 1 1/2 cups warm water. Let sponge for about 5 minutes. Then add about four cups of flour. Knead, and let rest for another 10 minutes. (Quick rise method: Put a jar of water in the microwave for two minutes. Leave the jar in there, and put the bowl of dough in there too. The steam makes it rise faster.)

Now put on marinara sauce, cheese, pepperoni, whatever. Or how about (cooked) shredded pork with BBQ sauce, cilantro and cheese. I personally love a little Ranch dressing as a base, then load on shredded (precooked) chicken, cilantro, and cheese -with avocado and fresh spinach on top once it's cooked. But that's me.

(I often quadruple my pizza recipe, and freeze it. Just take it out an hour before you need it. You can also open the bag a tad and use the "quick rise" water method! Or even just buy read-made crusts. It's been done.)

Chicken Pot Pie

K. Envision this. Ready-made crust. Precooked chicken. Bag of frozen vegetables. Cream of chicken soup. Bake. Done. Sleep.

Crockpot Chicken n Rice

Chicken. Crockpot. Couple tablespoons of butter. Italian dressing mix with a couple shots of vinegar. In the last ten minutes, add some (cooked) rice and cream cheese. Yum.

Hawaiian Haystacks

Mix 1 can of cooked chicken, 1 can of cream of chicken soup, and 1/2 cup of milk. Heat. Serve over rice. Decorate with chopped green peppers, tomatoes, mushrooms, pineapple, green onions, peas, chow mein noodles, coconut, whatever.

Mexicali Pork

Precooked pork, cut up. Add black beans, corn, and salsa. Heat. Serve over rice.

Stroganoff

Precooked ground beef. Add mushrooms, cream of mushroom soup, milk, sour cream, and Worcestershire. Serve over rice.

(We like rice.)

Chicken Sauces

These sauces are all super quick to prepare, but you still have to bake it.

• 3/4 cup of mayonnaise with 2 tsp. fresh garlic and a tablespoon of mustard. Pour over raw chicken and bake.
• 1/3 cup plain yogurt with 1/3 cup apricot jam and 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard.
• Can of cream of chicken soup over the chicken. Then layer slices of swiss cheese and flavored croutons.
  
• Can of cream of chicken soup with a little milk and a lot of lemon juice. Mmmmmm!

Mexican Lasagna

Layer: Canned marinara sauce, tortilla, precooked ground beef, sauce, tortilla, beef, sauce, tortilla, sauce, CHEESE. Bake for 20 minutes.

Pancakes!

We make these like weekly. For dinner.

Blend 3/4 cup of whole wheat with 1 cup of milk for four minutes on high. Add 1/2 cup of butter (applesauce works great!), 2 eggs, 1 tablespoon of honey, 1/4 tsp. baking soda, 2 tsp. baking powder, 1/2 tsp. salt and blend for two more minutes. We love them with peanut butter and syrup. And sometimes bananas if we're feeling crazy.



Now I'm hungry.

Hi

So I read a lot of blogs.

But I don't really know that many bloggers.

Have you noticed this? How many bloggers might take beautiful pictures - write beautiful words - even be beautifully, ridiculously popular - but you really don't know them at all?

I don't like that.

So I'm going to introduce myself. For real.

HI.

I'm married. I think my husband is the most amazing person on the face of this planet. Like, really.

I have four boys. I love staying home with them. But I lose my temper more often than I should, and don't get down and play like I should either. I do think I get drastically better every year, though. Maybe I'll be the perfect mom by the time they move out?

They are all two years apart and sometimes I wonder if that was so smart.

But gosh darn it I love my boys.

I'd like a daughter, but don't know if I want another kid. This leads to majorly stressful thoughts.

My parents are getting divorced. Thirty-five years. That makes me sad.

I really hate the hour before dinnertime.

(I think about the statement-two-sentences-ago a lot. Yeah. Moving on.)

I limit the television mucho-lot-o. Sometimes it's hard to stick to it when my children are bored.

I'm strongly religious, and it influences my every thought and deed.

I hate money. I hate credit. I hate debt. I have a hard time when people make poor financial decisions.

I love being outside.

I think I'm fat.

I don't like chit chat. Maybe that's why I hate the phone? I like deep, meaty conversations with lots of soul searching and belly laughs to boot.

I have a very hard time being the first to bridge the communication gap.

I cannot be overly busy or overly at-home. Both drive me nuts.

I still feel like a homely wallflower nerd most of the time.

I'm still cowed by 'the popular kids' most of the time.

I'm still stupid most of the time.

I'm generally open to suggestions, and I admit when I'm wrong. But once I've made a decision, don't get in my face.

(Please.)

I can be really weird.

I fart whenever I feel like it.

I'm crafty, but not in your face about it.

I try to be healthy. But love desserts.

I still bite my fingernails sometimes.

My mom and sister are moving in with us. I'm actually pretty excited about it, but maybe I shouldn't be?

Things are about to change around here.

I struggle with motivation and proactivity.

Most of the time I'd rather be reading a book.

I really want a fudgesicle right now, but I shouldn't ....

I get really depressed when I think of all the things I want to do and buy.




And I want to get to know you better.

Couch Session

I have a problem. It occurs when I'm in a room full of people. Or when I'm in a small group of people. Or when I'm just with one other person.

So, basically all the time.

It has to do with me completely embarrassing myself - on purpose.

See, I have this tendency to self-deprecate. To a ridiculous degree. Like, I will willingly announce the worst parts about myself, leaving my audience slightly confused and probably disgusted.

Example. I'm chit chatting with two women I don't know very well the other day. I'm slightly in awe of both of them. They're pretty awesome ladies. One comments that "wow, you look good for having a one month old!"

And I immediately turn up the side of my shirt so they can see that I can't close the zipper on my skirt underneath.

Explain this to me.

Do I do it for a laugh? Maybe a little. Do I do it so they'll like me? Well, frankly it's not a particularly good social tactic. Do I do it so they don't think too well of me? ... yeah, I think so.

It's like whenever anyone thinks even luke warm thoughts about me, I make it my personal duty to destroy them. To let them know that no, really, I'm not that great of a person.

Confession. I actually like myself pretty okay. No. No. Be honest. All right - I like myself a lot. I don't like everything about the person I see in the mirror, but all in all, I think I'm a pretty darn good person. I just don't want anyone to know. (Besides, of course, the tens of people who read this blog.)

And truly, I run myself pretty down on this 'ere blog, too. I post humiliating pictures, tell embarrassing poop stories, lament about my ugly cold sores and share too much information about my sweating/social event issues. I regale you all with how my neighbors thought I was abusing my child, and came clean that parenting can be pretty darn hard. I hash out all my insecurities, desperately making myself look pretty desperate.

Which brings us to my final conclusion in my self-psycho-analysis: I think I self-deprecate to test acceptance.

Do we all do this? Feel the need to make people really know us - and hope they don't leave? Do we all have a compulsion to be truly known - deep down - for who we really are, despite our dark sides? A sort of "I'm not perfect, but will you like me any way?" masochistic method?

....

Or maybe I just do it for the laughs.

Blog Fodder Round One

A thousand thank-ye's to the many who so selflessly helped me to be selfish for a few more posts. Salutations and gratitudes.

I think I'm going to go the rattle-em-off route:

Fig: Every part of my anatomy has swollen to twice its usual size - except for the one feature I wouldn't mind being bigger. (It is severely unfair.)

(where's the dang webcam?)

Kristina P: If I could live anywhere, it would be wherever my family is. And hopefully they would be somewhere with beaches, mountains and forests, as well as four months summer, four months fall, three months spring and one month winter. If you find such a place, let me know.

(oh, there it is)

Rachel Sue: What drives me craziest in the blog world? The comparisons. The "holy freak she has hundreds of followers and I don't!" and the thinking everyone else is cool besides you. But maybe that's just women in general.

(ooo! a webcam!)

Danielle asked what I do to keep my kids entertained all day. We play. We go to the park and out for walks quite a bit. Errands always take up a ridiculous amount of time. I also go to a scripture-study class once a week (it has childcare), and I'm part of a temple group where we take turns watching one another's kids while the other two go to the temple. So once a week I'm either baby-sitting or at the temple.

On the "off-days," ... We play. We play on the tramp. We play ball. We play cars. We play zoo. We go to the lake and feed the ducks. We pile into a chair and read books. We have lots of playdates and visits and serving others. We play a lot a lot a lot of games - Cherry-O, Go Fish, Candyland, Cat and the Hat. Puzzles and I Spy and dominoes and fort-building and riding bikes. We cook (they love pounding bread.) We draw. We play-dough. We glitter. We trace.

And every afternoon we take a nap.

(this is what I do)

Kimberly: If the stars aligned and we had a kid-free day together, we'd do NOTHING. Perhaps cook some delicious chocolate recipes in the kitchen. Perhaps get free facials and massages and the full spa treatment (the stars are aligned, yes?) But mostly - we would NOT do dishes, NOT do laundry, NOT supervise children, NOT do anything we normally do. We would just talk until our tongues are sore and laugh until our bellies ache and grin until our cheeks no longer move.

That's what we'd do.

(my lips are well chap-sticked. and luckily my nose is clean.)

Kathy: Clinical strength deodorant. Pros: I don't stink. Cons: I still sweat like I'm being paid to do it. And it stains my clothes yellow. And yet I still put it on every morning.

(hi, mascara!)

Nikki: That really is me in the profile picture. I was the stake director of Girls Camp at the time. I think that explains the shaving cream.

I am 5'7" on the dot. Thank goodness you didn't ask my weight.

I am due April 1st. But we don't say April 1st. We say "the end of March." Because March 31st sounds EONS closer than April 1st. (EIGHT WEEKS TO GO!!!!!!! And I'm totally justified in at least another twenty exclamation points.)

I have no allergies. Though freshly cut grass makes me itch, even if I'm just walking by it. (Does this happen to everybody?)

I pronounce my blog name pen-seeve-uh-tee. Though frankly I never pronounce it. That's just how George does it when he's filing that particular paper.

(my parents paid for these)

The Wingnut's: I love low-fat JIF peanut butter. Not because I'm all for low-fat. Oh, no no no. Because it really does taste better. Nuttier. Thicker. Yummier. I just wish they sold it in the big containers.

(i'm watching you. okay. i'm not.)

Harmony: I have no idea how many tiles are on my kitchen floor. I try not to look at it. The shiny dried milk drips and petrified cheerios do nothing for my self esteem. I'm also incapable of making something interesting if I'm expected to. Apologies.

(act like you don't know the camera is there, and suck in the double chin)

Thank one, thank all! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand, I need to go to bed.

Where's my trumpets?

This is my 100th post on Pensievity.

And I can't think of anything to say.

I've looked at some of my old drafts and they're boring me. Mercilessly.

I think I'm going to totally cop out and do what countless other bloggers do in situations like this.

TELL ME WHAT TO TALK ABOUT.

Questions? Random subjects? Mysteries that will stump me and rob me of my much-needed sleep?

If you're a dedicated lurker and have never commented before, here's your big chance to introduce yourself and help me out besides.

Ready - GO!

In which I prove how lame I really am

So there's this big to-do in the Mormon Mommy Blog world, and it is called the Casual Blogger Conference. This is preceding another big to-do deal, called the BlogHer Conference.

I'm seeing lots of bold braggy buttons that declare "I'm going!" I'm seeing lots of public begging to husbands for tickets. I'm seeing lots of envy from those without those bold braggy buttons.

*announcement* I'm not going.

And here's the kicker: even if I lived in Salt Lake and had a million extra dollars, I probably wouldn't go either.

Are you totally shocked?

The reason is this. I am a shy, shy insecure little bugger.


I have my bloggy friends that I love dearly. I even have a few bloggy fans. (Okay. Two.) But I can't help but think - what if they don't like me in real life? Sometimes I think that all you people that leave such flattering comments are just kidding yourselves. I mean, shoot. Most of you actually think I'm fairly skinny. That proves you're delusional.

I think I prefer to remain in the role of "person you have built up to be somewhat cool in your head," rather than come crashing down in all my quirky realities.

Here's what I would do if I actually went to the conference: sit in a chair surrounded by women who all inexplicably seem to know one another. Take notes with lots of doodles. Wish I knew how to accessorize. Feel sorry for myself. Leave. I know because I do the same thing almost every Enrichment night. (Sorry. RELIEF SOCIETY MEETING.)

Oh, and don't forget that I'll be doing these things while sweating profusely - especially out of my right armpit, because for some reason I always sweat more out of my right armpit.

If anyone actually struck up a conversation - or worse, if anybody recognized me - I'd probably freeze. I would frantically try to come up with something witty or funny, because for some reason the MMB classified me as a "Funny Lady." Pressure.

Instead, I'd probably jabber on about really awesome topics like the weather and health care reform. And the sweat stains on my right side.

The fact is, I'm only funny when not under pressure. And when I'm completely comfortable. (Like right now. At my computer. I'm not even sweating.) But neither of these circumstances is likely to happen at a blogging conference. So I'd revert to my natural state of being: geek. A wall-hugging, clutching-a-book, geek.

Now don't get me wrong. I would love to meet you all. But in small groups. And only if you guys didn't know each other, either. (Because I hate being the only one who gets introduced.) And also it'd be nice if we all brought our husbands and kids - so if all else fails by way of conversation, we can talk about them. Or to them. Oh, and don't forget the food. Lots of food. And perhaps deodorant.

Exactly one person that reads my blog I see on a regular basis. (Hi, Katy!) One other I see on a not-so-regular-basis, which is ridiculous since we live so close. (Hi, Kathy!) Other than that - you all think I'm actually skinny. So there you are.

No comments today. I'm not fishing for declarations of love and assurances that I am cool - and I'm proving it by cutting the line. I'm simply siphoning my thoughts. Cuz that's what I do here.

The end.

LAME.

So pleased to make your acquaintance

Friend-making on the That Girl Front is making progress. We're moving out the front lines, conquering the desert frontier, bravely facing every skirmish with a smile. Battle tactics are subversive. The opposition - UNKNOWN FEMALE - is an impressive foe. Mysterious. Coy. Plotting. Strict follower of the Making Friends Handbook.

I somehow missed that book in middle school.

It's different in Brazil. Down There, you just ARE friends. There isn't any ice to break - any rules to follow. You state your name and - bam! - friends. No social faux pas, no silly mannerisms or facade to keep up. These people have no tact, and no secrets. Everyone is everyone's best friend by default.

I forget that it's not like that Here.

I got invited to the pool the other day (so! so! excited! okay, That Girl, calm down, play it cool, don't act as desperate as you are ....) with two other ladies. Collected, chic females with masters degrees in the Handbook. Plenty of light banter and polite conversation. I had trouble eating that night for all the times I bit my tongue. (No! don't gush too much about how grateful you are for the invite ... No! don't tell them how much your feet sweat here ... No! don't tell them your children's birth stories ....)

Frank. That's my new name.

(I think I came on a little strong.)

Truth is, there really is structure to this whole Friend thing. You can't be clingy. Weird. Open. Snooty. Dirty. Gross. Crude. Fake. Shallow. Scary. Shy.

image here

Maybe that's why blogging lends itself to friendships so easily. We have no walls. We are who we are; we read who we read.

And we just ARE friends.