Let's help a girl out

So my excellent friend Stepper asked me a question recently -

what do you do for lunch? 

I recall asking the exact same question a while back. Back then, we did rice and beans for lunch. A whole lot.

Now, we have PB&J at least once a week - grilled cheese at least twice - mac and cheese - hot dogs - chicken nuggets - fish sticks - quesadillas - and sometimes I forcefeed them leftovers. I've kind of resolved myself to boring regularity when it comes to lunch. As for me, I eat a lot of wraps, stir-frys, and salads.

(I'm on a diet.)

But for the kids, maybe it's time for a revamp?

So - what do you do?

In which a plea is made. Several times.

So a dear friend of mine recently emailed me with a

PLEA FOR DINNER HELP.

It's like it says in Cold Sassy Tree. "Ain't a woman in the world who hasn't prayed to God for help in what to make for dinner."

Amen and amen.

So here's what my friend says:

I am in need of ideas and recipes of things I can make days ahead and freeze or put into the crock pot quickly earlier in the day. Or any ideas of very fast (literally 15 minutes start to finish, with children distractions) beyond the typical spaghetti or grilled cheese sandwiches would be great too. Healthy, kid-friendly ideas would be ideal, but frankly I have mostly given up trying to make things my kids will like because unless it is spaghetti, mac and cheese or pizza, there will be something to complain about. So, they just have to deal with whatever healthy stuff they get.

I heart my friend lots.

(I'd totally post an embarrassing picture of her, but all my embarrassing pictures of her are from college, and that was before the days of digital cameras, and that would mean I have to scan in embarrassing pictures, and that would just take too long, and I'm tired.)

How about I just post a picture of the NBC playing with his toes? Yes, good idea.


So my friend sent this PLEA FOR DINNER HELP email to all the Moms, Grandmas, Sisters, and Friends she knew.

And it occurred to me I know a lot of those.

So - wanna help out my friend? And me? And each other?

I'm including my own tried n true recipes, as well -

Enjoy, and please help!

Because toes are tasty, but they don't fill up the belly.

Let's get started.

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NOTE: Best thing to do that keeps dinners easy - cook the meat as soon as you get home from the grocery store. I throw all the chicken in every glass dish I own, sprinkle it with garlic and salt and bake. While it's goin', I mush together all the ground beef in the biggest pot I own, add garlic and salt and fry. Just put in (quality) Ziploc bags and freeze!

(At least, that's what I do when I'm on top of things. Which isn't that often, I admit.)

Anyway, most of my quick recipes use this pre-cooked meat.

You can also just do double dinner duty every time you cook - make two of everything. I'm tellin' ya. Almost everything freezes.

Muffins and bread freeze really well too. Whenever you're baking, double or quadruple your recipe and freeze away. They heat up beautifully in the microwave.

You can also pre-cut your veggies and freeze them, too - peppers especially. (Word to the wise: if you freeze brocooli, don't thaw it before using.)

AND YET ANOTHER NOTE: These are quick versions. They are tasty, but mucho tastier-o if done the slow, "right" way. Like making an actual white sauce instead of using cream of whatever. But, you know, WHATEVER.

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Chicken Broccoli Casserole:

Quick boil/steam/microwave onions and broccoli. While it's goin', mix a can of cream of chicken soup with cream cheese and milk. Line the pan with pre-cooked chicken and dump first the veggies, then the sauce on. Sprinkle with cheese and pop in the oven til the cheese melts.

Simple Meatball Subs

Heat up some good ole Costco meatballs with a bottle of spaghetti sauce. Either in the microwave or the crockpot. Meanwhile, toast some hoagie buns (or hot dog buns, if you don't have any hoagies on hand). Spoon some meatballs on the buns and sprinkle with mozzarella. Voila! Dinner.

Go-To Pizza

My pizza crust is ready in 20 minutes.

Mix: 1 Tablespoon honey, 1 tsp. salt, 4 1/2 teaspoons yeast, and 1 1/2 cups warm water. Let sponge for about 5 minutes. Then add about four cups of flour. Knead, and let rest for another 10 minutes. (Quick rise method: Put a jar of water in the microwave for two minutes. Leave the jar in there, and put the bowl of dough in there too. The steam makes it rise faster.)

Now put on marinara sauce, cheese, pepperoni, whatever. Or how about (cooked) shredded pork with BBQ sauce, cilantro and cheese. I personally love a little Ranch dressing as a base, then load on shredded (precooked) chicken, cilantro, and cheese -with avocado and fresh spinach on top once it's cooked. But that's me.

(I often quadruple my pizza recipe, and freeze it. Just take it out an hour before you need it. You can also open the bag a tad and use the "quick rise" water method! Or even just buy read-made crusts. It's been done.)

Chicken Pot Pie

K. Envision this. Ready-made crust. Precooked chicken. Bag of frozen vegetables. Cream of chicken soup. Bake. Done. Sleep.

Crockpot Chicken n Rice

Chicken. Crockpot. Couple tablespoons of butter. Italian dressing mix with a couple shots of vinegar. In the last ten minutes, add some (cooked) rice and cream cheese. Yum.

Hawaiian Haystacks

Mix 1 can of cooked chicken, 1 can of cream of chicken soup, and 1/2 cup of milk. Heat. Serve over rice. Decorate with chopped green peppers, tomatoes, mushrooms, pineapple, green onions, peas, chow mein noodles, coconut, whatever.

Mexicali Pork

Precooked pork, cut up. Add black beans, corn, and salsa. Heat. Serve over rice.

Stroganoff

Precooked ground beef. Add mushrooms, cream of mushroom soup, milk, sour cream, and Worcestershire. Serve over rice.

(We like rice.)

Chicken Sauces

These sauces are all super quick to prepare, but you still have to bake it.

• 3/4 cup of mayonnaise with 2 tsp. fresh garlic and a tablespoon of mustard. Pour over raw chicken and bake.
• 1/3 cup plain yogurt with 1/3 cup apricot jam and 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard.
• Can of cream of chicken soup over the chicken. Then layer slices of swiss cheese and flavored croutons.
  
• Can of cream of chicken soup with a little milk and a lot of lemon juice. Mmmmmm!

Mexican Lasagna

Layer: Canned marinara sauce, tortilla, precooked ground beef, sauce, tortilla, beef, sauce, tortilla, sauce, CHEESE. Bake for 20 minutes.

Pancakes!

We make these like weekly. For dinner.

Blend 3/4 cup of whole wheat with 1 cup of milk for four minutes on high. Add 1/2 cup of butter (applesauce works great!), 2 eggs, 1 tablespoon of honey, 1/4 tsp. baking soda, 2 tsp. baking powder, 1/2 tsp. salt and blend for two more minutes. We love them with peanut butter and syrup. And sometimes bananas if we're feeling crazy.



Now I'm hungry.

How to frost a cake without cursing

It CAN BE DONE, people, I swear.

(Actually, I don't. That's the whole point, mmmKay?)

Okay. So you've baked your cake. But as every sane person knows, a cake is just inedible without frosting.

So saith I.

Proceeding.

First you have to let the cake cool. I know, I know. This actually takes forethought and planning. It's hard, but we'll get through it. The best is to let it cool thoroughly AND put it in the fridge for a good half an hour - but that's pushing it, don't you think?

K. Now frost it. Does it look like this?

I thought so. The cake is peeping through. Very immodest of it, too. And lets not forget the thousands of crumbs that are marring up your frosting, as well. It's totally crumb-y. (Get it? Crumb-y? Crummy? Moving on ....)

Trick #1! Put it back in the fridge. Half an hour.

Now goop on more frosting.

Goop, baby, goop!

(I talk with my hands a lot. "Goop" looks something like this:)

Yessireebob. There's really nothing else to say after that picture.

All right, did you goop? Notice it was so much easier this time.

Besides, any two-year-olds you may have lying around will be sure to wipe up the inevitable goop spills.

Now for trick #2. When you're all gooped up, dip your knife (or spatula, if you're super Martha-y) into a cup of cold water. With very light pressure, smooth out all the goopiness. Dip back into the water frequently.

I'm tellin' ya, underneath all those decorations, the frosting is so smooth it looks like fondant.

(And very much tastier, too.)

Do you see the windows? Admire the windows. Smooooooooooooth like my legs on date night.

Mom! Did you just say that?

Yes. Yes I did.

Enjoy your cake and eat it too!

My recipe

I have a really good cookie recipe. I've blogged about it before.

Whenever I make these cookies for someone, they request the recipe. Without fail. And because I'm nice like that, I give it to them.

But I've never had somebody say, "Gee, you know, I don't agree with butter. So I'm not going to put that in." Because seriously. The cookies will not turn out unless you have butter.

Duh.

And yet I get it in other respects all the time.

When I tell people how I get my babies to sleep by themselves - or later, to stay in their rooms - I get, "Nah, I don't agree. It must be something else."

When people ask how I've lost so much weight, and I tell them about waking up at 5:30 in the morning every freaking day to exercise, and eating really healthy and staying away from sweets and snacks, it's, "Nah, that's not it, you must have really good genes."

...

And when someone wants to know why I'm so happy, and I tell them it's because I've found the truth, they don't believe me.

I still have trials. I still have problems. I still have down days and I've had my share of depression. But I'm able to withstand them. I'm better because of it.

I'm not talking about the fleeting happiness that chocolate brings (though it does bring that.) I'm talking about the deep-down peace and joy that truth brings. And that's as easy as this-recipe-equals-good-cookies.

I know Christ is truly the son of God. I know He came to this earth, and taught us how to live. I know that prophets on various continents recorded His visits and teachings. I know that through those prophets' words, we can come to know Him, too. And I know that by knowing Him, we can be happy. Really, truly, happy. Happy in spite of our trials, and perhaps because of them.

I know that we still have prophets today. I know this because I've asked Him. I know this because my spirit recognizes truth. I know this because I've prayed to know for myself if the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are true. And they are. And it is. I know it.

And that's why I'm happy.

Debunked

So a very popular blogger recently posted about her "new favorite brownies in the world." Seriously the "very best brownies ever" and even her husband raved that they're the "best brownies of all time."

Since she usually has excellent taste, I believed her and decided to try it.

But I am skeptical.


So. The ingredients. There are two.

First. BLACK BEANS. Yes, you read right.

Rinse and drain them, then add a cup of water and puree.

(Don't put in the bananas.)


The second ingredient: brownie mix.

(I actually had to go out and buy a brownie mix to make these. I had mucho faith in this blog.)

Stir. Bake.

Review:

So they smelled heavenly and the batter was awesome. Very tasty. I didn't detect a drop of the (truly vomit-producing) bean slop. They looked good too - nice and fudgy.


But the taste?

LIKE EXTREMELY CHEWY DIET BROWNIES.


If you're going to have a brownie, folks, HAVE A BROWNIE.

I like Betty Crocker's recipe. And I never reduce the butter.

Melt and cool five minutes:
2/3 cup butter
5 oz unsweetened baking chocolate

Separately, beat for five minutes:
1 3/4 cup sugar
2 tsp vanilla
3 eggs

Beat in the chocolate mixture, then add 1 cup of flour just until blended. Add 1 cup of walnuts if desired.

Bake at 350 degrees for 40 to 45 minutes.

No regrets. Only happy tastebuds.

Surviving Summer - Week 3

This week was
Father's Week

Because one day simply isn't enough to celebrate My Man.

Seriously.

We made "Come Home Dad" blocks for his desk at work. Work is thoroughly overrated, is it not? I would totally be a hermit if it meant My Man could just be with us all the time. Who needs electricity and clothes and food and? ....

I wanted to decorate the blocks with pictures of the kids and stickers and little sayings, but I was told that would look "weird." Okay then.

We also visited My Man at work. Where they ate popcorn and candy and stared at the fish and played with the toys.

Work is AWESOME.

(And Little Prince is in the I-hate-having-my-picture-taken-stage.)

Racing back to the car is FUN.

Dad won.

Speaking of cars, we washed his. Anything involving nakedness is approved by the That Girl Boys.

For Father's Day lunch we had BBQ pork pizzas. Pulled pork. Barbecue sauce. Cheese. Cilantro. Delish.

Dinner was summer stuff - burgers, ribs, corn on the cob, chips, watermelon, pop.

That-Girl's-Last-Name Dessert for afters. Cuz nobody knows the original name.

It is pure fluffy sweetness. REALLY sweetness.

Recipe:

The top and bottom "crusts" are just chocolate cookie crumbs. There's a certain kind of cookie that is preferred, but I can only find them in Utah. In Arizona, I use Oreos.

Tough luck.

For the filling, bring 2 cups of milk to a boil, and stir in one bag of marshmallows. Take off the heat, cover, and cool for a few hours, stirring occasionally. (You want all the marshmallows to melt - no lumps!)

Once thoroughly melted and cool, whip up a pint of cream with a 1/4 cup of sugar, and mix it in the marshmallow/milk stuff. Pour it in between the cookie crumb layers, and refrigerate overnight.

Fluffy. Sweet. My Man laps this stuff up.

So this year I did a "Five Love Languages" theme for Father's Day.

Service - washed the car and did the dinner dishes as often as he would let me
Words of Affirmation - love letters and "I Love Daddy" books from the kids
Presents - the blocks and General Conference on CD
Touch - a book to teach me how to massage (he might have to read it, too...)
Quality Time - we're going jet-skiing this week!

Yeah. I love My Man.

More than any language known or un.

Indulgences

I don't diet.

My eating philosophy instead is: eat healthy. Revolutionary, I know.

However, this outlook is tougher to follow when it comes to sweets. Cuz DUH, I can't cut them out completely. Refer to the first sentence if you want to know why.

I have found three treats that are yummy enough to squelch The Urge, and big enough to keep me from eating ten serving sizes. I have graciously decided to share with you. But mostly Stepper, since she's off sugar and I'm trying to sabotage her.

Number Uno:
Dude, have you tried these things? So delicious. And huge. And only one point. (I'm not on Weight Watchers, but apparently only one point is a good thing.)

Thing second:

image here

Frozen blueberries doused in milk. Needs no sugar. It sort of solidifies into this slushie-type antioxidant deliciousness. I have this a good three times a week.

Last semicolon:

Fudge-y yumminess at 68 calories a pop. (Though I usually have two.)

Got the recipe here, but I've pasted the instructions for your convenience.

Whisk together:

• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup whole-wheat pastry flour
• 3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt

In a separate bowl, beat until stiff:

• 6 large egg whites

Slowly add to the egg whites:

• 1/2 cup granulated sugar
• 1 cup packed brown sugar - one Tablespoon at a time
• (note) these measurements are less than the original recipe, but still taste great. Bonus!
  

Then beat in:

• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 3 ounces unsweetened chocolate, chopped and melted
  

Fold in the dry ingredients, then bake on a greased cookie sheet (or wax paper) 10-12 minutes at 350 degrees. When I make a batch, I freeze the majority of them and save them for when I get cravings.
*********************

More eating - less guilt.

I can handle this.

When life gives you limes ...

Mr. Squishy has been crying since approximately Monday morning.

I'm surprised his tear ducts aren't the size of small kiwis.

This morning it suddenly became too much. Blasting primary music didn't seem to be helping. (I'm TRYYYYYYYYYYYYING to BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE like JEEEEEEE-SUUUUUUUUUUUS!)

I decided to make these:

Cupcakes make everything better.

We suffered casualties in the shape of one bottle of lime juice, two eggs, one fistful of butter and several chucked spoons.

No children were hurt.


Right now both children are in bed. I'm blogging. I just had a cupcake.

And I feel better.

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;">Recipe from CuisineNie:

Lime-Coconut Cupcakes:

3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs, at room temperature
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 1/2 tsp grated key lime zest
1 1/2 Tbsp freshly squeezed lime juice
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp kosher salt
1/2 cup buttermilk
1 cup loosely packed sweetened coconut flakes (3.5 ounces)

The Frosting:

5 ounces good quality white chocolate, chopped into small chucks 1/2 cup
(1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
3 1/2 cups powdered sugar, sifted
Pinch salt
1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 Tbsp lime juice (bottled or freshly squeezed)
1/4 cup sour cream
Fresh lime slices, for garnish - if desired

The Instructions:

* Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.
In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter and sugar on high speed until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. With the mixer on low speed, add the eggs, 1 at a time, scraping down the bowl after each addition. Add the vanilla extract, key lime zest and juice and mix well. In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. In 5 parts total, alternately add the dry ingredients and the buttermilk to the batter, beginning and ending with the dry. Mix until just combined. Fold the coconut into the cupcake batter. Line a muffin pan with paper liners and fill each liner almost to the top with batter. A spring loaded 1/4 cup ice cream scoop works great for this and ensures the cupcakes are all the same size. Bake for 25 minutes or until the tops begin to brown and a toothpick comes out clean. Remove cupcakes from oven and allow to cool in the pan for 10 minutes and then transfer cupcakes to a baking rack to cool completely.

While the cupcakes are cooling you can make the frosting. In a small heat proof bowl set over a pot of simmering water, carefully and slowly melt the white chocolate. Remove from heat and let cool until just slightly warm. Meanwhile, in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat the butter until light and fluffy. With the mixer on low, gradually add the powdered sugar until well combined. Add the salt, vanilla extract, key lime juice, and sour cream and mix until very smooth. Add the melted white chocolate and mix just until incorporated. Frost the cupcakes and garnish with a bit of grated key lime zest, fresh lime slices, or candied limes. (And I added coconut, too!)

My name is not Julia. Or Julie.

I once exploded my stove.


We'd been in Brazil for a whopping one day. We were hungry. I was feeling adventurous and fearless and very BRAZILIAN, so I decided to make ... spaghetti. (Quick. Easy. And like four ingredients.)

I had the radio on, didn't understand a word of it, and was singin' it scat style OOOOOO BEE BAAA BOOO DAAAAAAA! Baby Little Prince on the floor next to me, My Man on the phone with family, assuring them that we did, indeed, arrive alive.

Then I moved a pot. And


Turns out my lovely Brazilian stove was not, in fact, a chic-y glass top stove like my mommy has.

It was, instead, more or less like this:


See that lid? The glass lid that I was supposed to lift UP? And instead, like some American idiot, cooked right on top of it?

Yeah. That's me.

The pot moved, a sonic boom that broke the sound barrier, and glass, glass raining down all over the kitchen.

Luckily I said my prayers that morning, and neither I nor LP were hurt.

(And I believe we went out to eat that night.)

Truth is, I learned a few things in Brazil. Things like the LESS water pressure you use in the shower, the HOTTER the water. Or Every Price is Negotiable. Or bundle up your kid no matter how freakin' hot it is outside, or the Grandma Police will be on your tail.

I also learned how to make beans.

Do you know how to make beans?

Since the days of the Great Depression in the United States, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has encouraged its members to be self-reliant through building up a year's supply of stored and preserved food and other necessities. We hear it every six months in General Conference, and intermittently throughout the year. Food storage! Food storage! Store food! Does everyone have their year supply? Free bird!

There's all kinds of information on the internet, including a Food Storage Calculator, telling you exactly how much peanut butter YOUR FAMILY would eat in a year. (Although they're woefully ignorant of chocolate chips.)

According to this handy-dandy device, my family of five (I didn't even include baby #4) needs to store ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY POUNDS OF BEANS.

Again - do you know how to cook beans?

It drives me crazy when I hear women say, "Oh, well, if I'm hungry enough, I'll figure it out." NOT. It took me a solid year to cook beans good enough to eat. I burned more than a few pans. (And at least one stove.)

So now I'm going to teach you. BEANS.

First things first. Pick through them. Pull out all the cracked, shriveled, peeling, and generally icky ones. Then cover in water and let soak. (The longer you soak them, the faster they'll cook. Plus it extracts all the "gases" that make beans so famously musical. I usually soak mine an hour or so, because I'm not very good at thinking ahead.)

Alright. Now drain the beans, and refill the pot.

IMPORTANT!!! GO OUT RIGHT NOW AND BUY A PRESSURE COOKER!!!
They run $35 to approximately a million dollars. I bought a super cheap one, and it has served me well for many a year now. Go cheap.

If you DON'T buy a pressure cooker, then expect to cook your beans for about a week before they're ready to eat. Seriously.

Alright. So put your presoaked beans in the pot and FILL with water. You want at least one middle-finger length of water ABOVE the beans. This is crucial.

Now let the cooker cook. DO NOT ADD SALT OR SEASONING YET. IT WILL MAKE YOUR BEANS TOUGH.

(No one likes tough beans.)

It'll take a few minutes for the pressure cooker to get hot and the top to start spinning. Let it spin for 30-45 minutes, and then do whatever you have to do to release the pressure. (Every pot is different.)

Keep it on the burner, but don't put the lid back on. Just let it keep boiling without any pressure. (Add more water if you need to.)

In a separate skillet, saute some onion, fresh garlic, and chopped bacon and/or kielbasa in oil. Amounts completely depend on taste. I LOOOOOVE me some garlic, so I really go to town. Add oregano, cumin and cilantro. (This is what I do - you can season it however you darn well want to.) Once the onion is soft, add it to the beans, as well as about a tablespoon of salt and a bay leaf. (Again - this depends on taste. I like it rather salty. I also cook a lot at one time, then freeze in small quantities.)

Let it continue boiling, stirring occasionally, for another 30-45 minutes. The longer you cook it, the thicker the beans, and the stronger the taste. I like me some thick-ish beans. Everyone's different.

Feel free to taste it every now and then and add more of anything. (Salt! Always more salt ....)

Serve with rice, and you got yourself a complete protein for pennies.

Just make sure you lift up the lid before you get started ....