Tuesday, September 28, 2010

In which I indulge in a little (or a lot) of self-pity



So I have carpal tunnel.

It pretty much stinks.

It's been goin' on a couple weeks now, varying between what's-up-with-this-funky-tingly-feeling? to holy-crap-I-want-to-cut-off-my-arms.

Went to the doctor. Liked him a lot. Until he said "take it easy and try not to strain your hands." That's like saying, "oh, and by the way - try not to breathe."

Tcha. 

Because LIFE strains my hands. Holding children, changing diapers, making beds, washing floors, folding laundry, kneading bread, sewing quilts, taking pictures, writing notes, playing piano ... all pretty much impossible when the nerve running up and down my arms is on fire. Or numb. Or both.

And I know what you're thinking - why is That Girl typing, for crying out loud? But to tell you the truth, it's about all I can do. (Especially with braces on, it's really no big deal.) Typing isn't weight-bearing, so as long as my wrists are immobile, I'm okay.

Now holding up a book - that's tough. 

But I truly think what bothers me most is not what this is doing to me, but what this could mean for my loved ones. Cuz my mom - SHE has struggled with carpal tunnel her whole life. I know what it's like to have to open her a jar, pour her a glass of milk or wring out a towel. All the time.

And it pretty much stinks.

I was never angry at her. I never blamed her. But - it's no fun. 

And I do NOT want that for my children.

So right now I'm crying like I have some fatal disease, feeling sorry for myself and doing as much as I can while pretending I'm not in pain. Great plan, eh?

Naw - mostly I'm just counting down til I get bad enough they let me do the surgery. I'll do anything - anything! - to be able to be independent again.

K. Back to your regularly scheduled morning.

16 comments:

Jocelyn Christensen said...

I feel for ya! My sister has RA...well she had it (she was healed!) but she suffered in silence...Only her husband and kids knew that she couldn't twist on a bottle cap for her baby...she couldn't change a diaper. She couldn't walk in the morning because of the pain. Her 5 kids felt the pain as well. You'll be ok...You'll get surgery and you'll get better...chin up Girl! :)

Melissa Bastow said...

Some one told me once that if a bear attacks you, you should curl into a ball and put your hands over your head. So that the bear will rip off your hands instead of your head. And then I had nightmares forever about losing my hands. WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT HANDS?!! You have huge amounts of sympathy here. And total permission for multiple pity parties. And hopefully that surgery will be very VERY soon. One good thing though (Polly Anna moment) since you have boys, all the jar opening and towel wringing will prepare them to be helpful, gallant husbands.

Katy said...

Oh Becky that stinks! I'm so sorry.

nikib4kids said...

That is a hard on to suffer through! My mom also has had a difficult time with it and has had the surgery. So a tip for when you do get the surgery....unless you have someone that can be with you 24/7 to help you out in the bathroom *wink,wink*, be sure to do them one at a time! I hope that you can get them fixed soon...and that you'll heal quickly! This too shall pass.

Kimberly said...

Oh hun, it's like the bed rest all over again, isn't it? That feeling of helplessness and not being able to the mom you want to be. I'm so sorry and hope you can get that surgery soon.

In the meantime - an awesome no-knead bread recipe:

http://steamykitchen.com/168-no-knead-bread-revisited.html

Rocketgirl said...

Stink-tastic!! I am so sorry. I also ahte that to get the stuff we need (the Dude needs ear tubes I think ) the doctors want it to get REALLY bad first. Bleeegghhh. That's just cruel.

Marcia said...

oh dear! I'm so sorry! Several years ago I had wrist issues for a long time (very common among interpreters) and I suffered and suffered dreading a carpel tunnel dx. (Weirdly, mine began the _very day_ my mother had carpel tunnel surgery. spooky.) I wore braces and went through months of agony (still working, too, which probably didn't help). Finally, I made an appointment with a hand surgeon. Days before I went, it all went away. I still went to my appt ("really... it hurt right here!") He told me mine wasn't carpel tunnel, but a tendonitis from my elbow. He suggested steroid shots should it return. It never did. Maybe I scared it away? Hmmm...

Kristi said...

As a Mom with only one hand I can sooo sympathise. It stinks. Especially because when I hurt my only hand I am out of comission, I can do nothing by myself. So - hopefully that will make you feel a little better? At least you HAVE 2 hands? ;)
Seriously, I am sorry, it always is hard to feel you can't do/ be everything you want to be! I hope you will be able to find peace with this and a healthy balance!

Dixie Mom said...

I bet typing on the computer doesn't feel very good either. I hope you feel better soon. Not being able to use your hands is so hard!

janel said...

Do you think sometimes HF wants us to slow down and choose what's really important, since we have the (sometimes bad) habit of cramming more and more things into our schedule because we're capable of handling insane loads?

Melanie Jacobson said...

I'm sorry. I'm sad for you.

Elizabeth said...

I'm sorry. That's crusty. I bet you'll get a lot of opportunities to remember that it could be worse in the next little while. That will help.

I realized something interesting the other day about how hard it is to know the people you love are suffering because you're not able to do all the things you want to for them. It made me appreciate Heavenly Father more. I think about how much more it hurts me to see my children suffer than to be suffering myself, and it made me think how COMPLETELY AMAZING it is that He sent His Son, KNOWING what He'd go through, and watched Him suffer... for all the rest of us. When the Savior says to give glory to the Father, He isn't kidding, and watching my children struggle while I'm unable to do anything for them has reminded me why... and brought me to awe at how much Heavenly Father loves us.

Tamra Watson said...

Sorry Charley!

However, I did want to point out the irony of your braces...they read "futuro" is that a Portuguese joke from the doctor?

Kazzy said...

Ugh. So sorry. That would really stink.

Julie said...

Been there. Done that. Got the scars. Have the compassion. :(

Megan, Peter, and Benjamin said...

Okay, so I may sound like a silly, wacky alternative medicine person that likes to wear sandles in the winter and eat granola morning, noon, and night. However, I have found much relief from what I am going to tell you! I actually was having the tinglings in my fingers and then it started going up my arms and I couldn't pick up anything. I had all the signs of carpal tunnel and my doctor wanted to wait and see what happened over a little bit of time. Well, around that same time I started going to see the chiropractor and TA-DA!! It was GONE!! I told the chiropractor about it and he said that there was a nerve in the neck that goes all the way down the arm that could give me those very same symptoms. I am so happy!! Now I know when I really need to go get adjusted (not an attitude adjustment!). I hope you get through this trial with flying colors!