So a bloggy friend recently posted a bunch of archives from waaay back - like from high school. It was hilarious - and enlightening. She always talks about her high school years like she was the biggest nerd. Ugly and unpopular. Yet I saw with my own eyes that she was beautiful - and seemingly confident, surrounded by friends.
It made me think, yo.
When I look back on high school, I cringe. I never felt pretty or socially "in." I was never teased or bullied - just largely ignored. I was the type to bring a book to a social event or party - if I got invited at all. I never knew what to say, and I wasn't so much a wallflower as a hide-in-the-bathroom weed. I would actually write down lists of things to say before I called someone. I felt like everyone was more popular than me, everyone was cooler than me, everyone was secure and self-assured and confident.
And I ... wasn't. I was a tongue-tied little mouse who hid behind big, baggy T-shirts and overalls every day. The essence of insecure.
But now - I wonder.
Did everyone feel that way?
It's interesting to me that those who knew me in high school do not remember me this way. I didn't get invited to many parties, but I had plenty of my own. I was never voted into a captaincy or leadership position, but I was a member of a lot of clubs. I never had a lead in a play, but I was a great chorus member.
I laughed a lot. And I made others laugh. Maybe the popular kids didn't know who I was, but my fellow underlings did. 'Cept I didn't call them underlings. I called them friends.
My husband and I joke that the first twenty years of marriage is just to figure out what happened the first twenty years of our lives.
As I hit the big thirty, I find myself wanting to revisit those critical high school years.
This week you're invited to explore ME - fifteen years ago.
Let the psychoanalysis and insecurities begin!