Monday, August 22, 2011

In which I feel like crap. But hopeful.

So. I got the advanced copy of "The Entitlement Trap." You know, that new book that I told you about?

I was eager to read it. I love the authors. I love the buzz about this book. I love to improve myself as a mother. I dove right in.

I read the first couple chapters. Then I put it down. Then I cried.

It was so agonizingly obvious that my children are there. They are TRAPPED. They are ENTITLED. And I basically feel like the worst mother in the world.

It really isn't a very pleasant feeling.

I spent the next few days analyzing everything my children did. And coming away fantastically depressed. Everything they said and did seemed to point out how completely irresponsible they are - and how I am to blame. I'm a slave, and it's my fault.

While lamenting my fate and that of my posterity, I began talking to myself.

Hey, self. I said. It's been a while. But hey, perhaps you should keep reading that book and stuff. Maybe - just maybe - they'll tell you how to fix it!

Self? - Dude, I thank you.

I haven't finished it yet, but I already feel better. I am being handed tools that will put me on the road to fixing the problem. And I'm not depressed anymore. I'm excited. Hopeful. Sorta-almost-pretty-confident.

I can do this. They're teaching me how.

Please - please - if you haven't already, order this book here.

18 comments:

LisAway said...

Okay, I think I need this book. I don't think my kids are needy or bratty or demanding, but they definitely could use some lessons in responsibility, and I love on the website how it says that entitlement is the opposite of responsibility. Yeah.

Also, unrelated: I'm wondering if you could drop me a line and tell me how you used lavender oil to help with eczema? I would be forever grateful. (You did mention that, didn't you?)

Pam said...

I just wrote about this too and have a link to your blog. You are soooo amazing! Thanks for always teaching how to be better!

Lara said...

I love how much I'm seeing this book all over the internet lately. Can't wait to read it. And I'm sure I'll be a little depressed, too, because I know my kids are kind of entitled. but I really want to know how to make it right.

Marcia said...

ok! you've convinced me! I just ordered the book. I'm curious after reading the synopsis. We do a family bank and earning system in our house, insisting that kids pay for their own "toys" and as they turn 12, also own clothes, school supplies and entertainment. We've found several pitfalls, so I'm interested to see what they suggest for more success.

Marcia said...

Also, since the other girl brought up essential oils, I've been meaning to tell you about the amazing success I had using tea tree oil on warts, which i read about from another reader on your site. I had tried some "freezing-off" treatments from my dr. and that didn't work. These were nasty warts giving me a good deal of trouble for several years. I was too cheap to go to a dermatologist for the laser treatment (I had taken my daughter for this a few year ago and it took a good half-dozen visits to get rid of them. With our new insurance that was going to be Big Bucks for me now!) So I bought some tea tree oil for $17 at Vitamin Shoppe, and a few boxes of dollar store bandaids. It took a wihle -- 2-3 months but WOWEE! Gone! I'm so impressed. Thank you to your reader who suggested that!! :)

Marcia said...

I just got the book! reading...reading...

Here's my thought on the first...literally 2 pages !

"Children used to work for the parents. Now the parents work for the children." Hmmm... seems quite true. When did that change? I think it's natural for parents to want to give to their kids, the problem is that we can so much more now than before. I think of my parents growing up in the post-war years, their parents were just recovering from the war, financally, etc. So even as much as they might have wanted to give give give to their kids, there were limits. Are there not those limits these days? Are there not limits for so many people around us that if we have real limits ("I'm broke!" ) the kids see their friends getting so much more they expect it. Interesting... Do we now have to artificially create something that used to occur naturally (limits on family resources)?

Stepper the Mighty said...

Alright, you convinced me. I done ordered the book.

Erin said...

I just put a hold on the book at the library. I'm excited to be depressed about my parenting and then improve :P

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

I wouldn't feel bad. I'm guessing you're a great mom. I think kid's entitlement is something the majority of parents struggle with today. I'm hopeful to change this in my family too, but we probably have a long road ahead. I'll check out the book. :)

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Books like that are hard. Amazing, life-changing, but hard. I often make it a few chapters in, weep, and give up. You're such an awesome example of why it pays to keep reading, keep slogging through the hard parts. Enduring to the end, babe, it's so much of what this life is about, yes?

Riddlez said...

I'm sure you have lots of great things going on. And you're probably LIVING life rather than blogging life.

But, we miss you. No pressure, seriously. Just wanted you to know.

Have a Happy Halloween.

Jill said...

miss your blog!

Charloe said...

Where are you? I really miss reading your blog. Come back please!

Jocelyn Christensen said...

OH, WHEN will you come back to us????

Jennifer said...

I really do miss you!

janel said...

The blogging world has lost a great writer. We are missing you, but if your family is loving you then surely you made the right decision.

Qait said...

I just hope you don't feel like crap anymore, and that you now just feel hopeful and stuff. :D
I miss reading your blog! I hope you are staying happy!

Qait said...

(um, that was in reference to the title of your last post...just so you know)