Tuesday, August 2, 2011

In which lightening strikes a little too late

So I'm on my way to the doctor with a crabby NBC in the back. Mommy Diagnosis: ear infection.

(me, unabashedly showing off how adorable he is, even though these pictures have nothing to do with this story. 
he certainly didn't look like this on the way to the doctor.)

They couldn't squeeze me in at my normal office, and their other location was in relatively unfamiliar territory. I was driving a bit slow, knowing I had to turn right into the parking lot soon and afraid I would miss it.

Enter Big Bad Black Truck, merging in directly behind me. Can't see his headlights. He's mad I'm going slow. I'm ignoring him.

I'm watching signs closely, hands at 10 and 2. I see it. I turn. I squealed the tires only a leetle bit.

Big Bad Black Truck SLAMS on his brakes, spewing black smoke everywhere. In my rearview mirror, I see him flip a Uey (how do spell that?!) IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and follow me into the parking lot.

Um, really?

Big Bad Black Truck, riding my tail. I glance at the NBC. He's sucking his thumb, thoroughly unconcerned.

I pull into a space and cautiously open my door.


I didn't know the F word could be used in so many different verb tenses. It was actually rather impressive in an obtuse way.

Among other things, he said
  • that I was an awful driver
  • that I was lucky he didn't run me over right now
  • that he had four kids in the car and they all could have died, how dare I, etc., etc.
  • that I was ... a lot of foul things
Insert the F word about twenty times and you'll have a rough idea of what he sounded like. Really, it didn't even make sense.

Confound it, I started to giggle. It was just all so ridiculous.

He concluded by calling me the wildly creative name of a female dog, and screeched off into the sun.

My hands were shaking for a good ten minutes.

After the doctor's appointment, on the way home, I pondered on what I could have said had I been in possession of my vocal faculties.

"You're an incredible role model for your four children. They must adore you."
"You must be having a really bad day if a slightly late turn can make you that ornery. Do you want a hug?"
"You shouldn't even have four kids in the back of a pick-up, you know."

But my mom said it best -

"Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a jerk."


MayerFamily said...

that sounds so scary! I get upset when someone just flips me off! You were right to just keep quiet -then rant and rave to yourself or your hubby later!

Fig said...

Been there. Only when it happened to me, actual rear-ending occurred and I was too terrified to insist it was his fault and demand his information.

Glad you escaped relatively unscathed. Giggling is the best way, after all.

Elizabeth said...

I think giggling was the right response. I hope it gave him the impression that he was making (excuse me) an ass of himself. Because he was. I probably would have been extremely tense and absolutely ignored him. He would have had to follow me into the doctor's office and cuss me out with an audience. Perhaps he would have been audacious enough to have done it, but at least that way I'd have witnesses to the verbal assault. That's the kind of behavior from a stranger that you'd be justified calling the cops about -- particularly the threat to run you over, even if he "didn't really mean it."

Rachel Sue said...

I would be shaking too. And possibly crying. I don't take confrontation well. But you are awesome. For giggling.

Melanie Jacobson said...

Oh, man. That should have been the bumper sticker on your car while he was tailgating you.

Jenny P. said...

First of all... welcome back. :) And second, OH MY GOODNESS I think I would have cried.

Jocelyn Christensen said...

Ha ha ha...that is a good one! I'm glad you kept your composure though! :) Not fun!

Riddlez said...

Yeah, cause a u-turn in the middle of the road is the safer choice, right? What a tool.

The Lawlor's said...

Wow. I am glad you weren't hurt.
Your mom is a smart woman.

Tobi said...

I would have cried. Kudos to you for keeping a calm head. I have a theory about men who drive big black trucks and it goes like this: They are all major jerk wads.

Lacy@uphillandsmiling said...

Oh my goodness!! I loved this post. I am sorry you had to go through all that, but I love that you giggled... I mean what else could you do? And I absolutely LOVELOVELOVELOVE your Mom's quote. Good for you for not sinking to his level :)

LisAway said...

I wish you could have said ALL of those things, they're all so perfect.

Julie said...

I love that you giggled. And that you thought that he needed a hug. And your mom is AWESOME.

Qait said...

HAHAHA! Your mom--- oh man, that's funny.
And I'm sorry that happened! I wonder what I'd do...because part of me would certainly want to cry, part would giggle like you, and...is there a brave part that would have some comeback as cool as your mom's???