I have a problem. It occurs when I'm in a room full of people. Or when I'm in a small group of people. Or when I'm just with one other person.
So, basically all the time.
It has to do with me completely embarrassing myself - on purpose.
See, I have this tendency to self-deprecate. To a ridiculous degree. Like, I will willingly announce the worst parts about myself, leaving my audience slightly confused and probably disgusted.
Example. I'm chit chatting with two women I don't know very well the other day. I'm slightly in awe of both of them. They're pretty awesome ladies. One comments that "wow, you look good for having a one month old!"
And I immediately turn up the side of my shirt so they can see that I can't close the zipper on my skirt underneath.
Explain this to me.
Do I do it for a laugh? Maybe a little. Do I do it so they'll like me? Well, frankly it's not a particularly good social tactic. Do I do it so they don't think too well of me? ... yeah, I think so.
It's like whenever anyone thinks even luke warm thoughts about me, I make it my personal duty to destroy them. To let them know that no, really, I'm not that great of a person.
Confession. I actually like myself pretty okay. No. No. Be honest. All right - I like myself a lot. I don't like everything about the person I see in the mirror, but all in all, I think I'm a pretty darn good person. I just don't want anyone to know. (Besides, of course, the tens of people who read this blog.)
And truly, I run myself pretty down on this 'ere blog, too. I post humiliating pictures, tell embarrassing poop stories, lament about my ugly cold sores and share too much information about my sweating/social event issues. I regale you all with how my neighbors thought I was abusing my child, and came clean that parenting can be pretty darn hard. I hash out all my insecurities, desperately making myself look pretty desperate.
Which brings us to my final conclusion in my self-psycho-analysis: I think I self-deprecate to test acceptance.
Do we all do this? Feel the need to make people really know us - and hope they don't leave? Do we all have a compulsion to be truly known - deep down - for who we really are, despite our dark sides? A sort of "I'm not perfect, but will you like me any way?" masochistic method?
Or maybe I just do it for the laughs.